For you, Daddy!

Granny,

dont know what to say.. so stresss-ed..
feel im abit off track at sometimes.
esp yesterday..
recently was doing fine, and getting stronger.
But something happened and caused my whole mind kanna'virus attacked'.

shit...my whole body cannot control my mind.
Whats wrong with me?
Wondering how's the rest of my classmates doing, guess im far apart from them now.
Although i started out the race first, but half way, i think i being blocked by some 'obstacles'.
I am very scare i will lose out the race and worst case even out of it.

I keep telling myself, i know my character, joe is not easily beaten.
Must Jia you!!

My mum quite worried abt me, recently i can see i being asked to eat 24 tablets each day.
Its to maintain a balance of myself.

This jan exam papers going be very important for me and everyone is looking onto it.
It determines my path.
There's a certain high level of stress and i cannot allow to fail.

This is a degree level and expectations are high. It requires us more on thinking and understanding.
Which is different from the diploma level.
So i need to apply different method of coping well on the exams.

funny part which i just realised, my colleagues can even open up side betting on my papers.
1st class- 1 pay 1000.
2nd upper and lower honour rate- 1 pay 100.
Fail rate- 1 pay 0.5.

hee guess most of them buy which part...,
i fainted...

Yesterday shldnt ve let them see im weak, moody.
But i cant control esp after i come back from lunch.
Things happened, nothing can change. Everything 's too late.

Drive very fast to another school, MDIS in the night and realised the people over there,comparing to my school kaplan, its so different. It brings me back to my poly days.

I need to get more info on understanding the economics. Hopefully i dont fall asleep again in e library carpet floor which those books on the shelves smiling at me..

nowadays i can sleep anywhere at anytime. Oh no really uncle joe liao..

I met up auntie cindy, she told me about my daddy story.
Ways back to when they are 18 yrs old.
Did not know he did so much for us, this family.
i am trying to control my feeling.

Granny, if you are there, please help me and give me this extra strength,i want to do well this paper for him.

For you, Daddy!

Regards,
Junwen

a shooting star

12-12-09 1253pm sunny day

a nice weather today with my feeling similar to the weather. If one day, you get to see outside your window is raining, then you will know someone outside there is feeling emo.. haha..

Well not really in that thinking now as years goes on. My age does allow me to get stronger, seeing through many things, experience it. Many people see me grown up, learnt things and i know how to take care myself and also everyone beside.

Recently a colleague sent me this link,
-talk to me or icecream-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-DWnGSn_jo

Do not understand what it means. Is he refering to me not to be sad over my daddy stuff?
What i know is the icecream i want to eat lol yummy ;p
Anyway thanks, its a nice song!

impt message/sentence below-- Do not always look at peoples'outside, go and understand more deeply. Everyone has their own moments that they feel weak. Like my granny said, you have grown up, no longer like a kid, must know how to see and understand clearly on people.

""
Cat- December 12 2009
i so totally agree with u.. for me i'll juz emo.. if u reli dun want pple read den u vent it out as a draft and read for urself.. i oso always emo 1 hahax.. best way to deal wif emoness is to do tings tt make u happy.. mayb u too stress ler...for me i oso dun wan pple to take me as weak.. so wad i do is i post it but inside the post i will say its my own tots, and feelings.. not tt i am weak.. even if i am weak, i believe everyone has their own moments tt they feel weak.. nothing to be ashame abt... tts why i juz let it be, heck care wad pple say =D ""


Another true story to share- a girl who is different from me... not in sex la...hmm what i mean is the life we are having. Her stress level is much higher than me, her emotional level is far away from me. Her father got cancer. She have to support her poor family, at night still need to rush for school. Sometimes at work still kanna scolded by boss. She did not have the time to have fun and even sit down for a coffee. She missed out all the fun during her teen age, 20-26. So stressful that she cry out in a corner. A Real bitter cry at a side but she still show her laughter, smiles to her Dad.
Her Dad passed away recently. She feel its a release, no regret. At least she has done her best, spending time and concern to let her Dad live comfortly during his days.

After hearing this story, any comment from you guys?
Hope you guys understand it, its meaningful..

Hope my wishes come true after i saw a shooting star yesterday. It travelled at a fast speed, at the right time for me to see it.

Smiles,
Joe

Joy Joe

pictures for the sc marathon run -09 are out. Did not know where are those camera actual locations, but managed to get a good pose. Luckily did not see my 'struggling' face.

updates: managed to finish a work report today, it really took me two mths to complete.

but need to see whether the feedback's good.

First time to get off work early, on the dot. Good to have plenty of time in the night to do my school assignments. I chosen not to do it at home because of certain reason, well i did it at the swimming pool again. Wow i missed my pool so much. Quite a quiet place to let my mind focus well on my studies. Decided to visit it often, comparing to macdonald... abit noisy plus the 'yummy' smell.. haha..

smiles,

joe

thought in the night

09-12-2009 0241hrs

What is inside joe's mind now?

did not know there are so many things happened during this short period.
this kind of thing is not everyone will like to have it.
Joe got no choice but to face it.
Joe keeps his mind running at all time.
hopefully he is able to come out with a better solution or ways to solve it.
Facing strong and handle each problem individually.

He thought he can focus well on his studies yet recently another matter hit on him again.
Wrongly blamed hurt his pride much to a deep low end.
Before we know him, he is on a high, anticipation morale, ready to give a new challenge on his studies.
But all things changed around him at this time.

During his marathon run on that day, many things were running on his mind instead of his feet doing the job.
What he knows about his feet is getting heavier.
Without saying, the pain is also increasing.
He is not blaming on anything, he feel this is what god ve already planned for him, a Joe's route. Everyone got different kinds of route.
Well joe's route is tough, he feel that this marathon run shows how strong of him finishing up the race by himself which determine how well he cope with the obstacles in his route.

did not know his boss M.C approached him yesterday and granted him more leave days so as to accompany his Dad.
So sweet of his boss but Joe rejected the offer because he knows he cannot accept his offer like that.........
I can feel Joe have decided on certain things after some self reflection...............

i did it for you, Daddy!

a nice weather today with the right feeling going into this race. its a marathon run thats different from all the runs that i had attended.

i thought i will give up half way due to my knee pain. Mum also told me not to run but i told myself to God, i must complete it. I did it for my Daddy, no matter how much pain i go through. Please help me to let Daddy recover soon. His illness is getting worse, im worried..

running to company-school-hospital

Dad is in hospital again.

sad thing is i do not know anything until i received a phone call from the nurse during my night class.

still the same, he does not want me to worry about him and keep everything silent.
He knows i am busy, he does not want to disturb me. But he did not know i will be more tired if i have to find out more by myself.

Communication is impt, must keep flowing..

Well do not know why he has to do that.

Can you imagine what the nurse said to me, "oh you do not know your dad is here? "

me speechless.....

Daddy, do you know what will they think of me...

you know i willing to do anything for you, but sometimes you do not want me to help, and it seriously can create a hurt impact on me.

Everyday running to company.... to school... to hospital...

im not sure when is my body going to be down...

But my mind is still staying very strong which is different from last time..

well not sure this sunday marathon am i able to perform well?

something running on my mind

actually in this world everyone got their own unhappiness or things that they are troubled.
They normally like to keep it to themselves.Why do they need to do it in a different way to show them they are okay but in fact they are not.
Do you think drinking will really let you forget everything?
Do you think to keep yourself busy will let you forget also?
Do you think sitting along the beach looking at e waves will let you forget too?
There is really no correct answer for it..
If you feel like giving it a cry out, can you dont put a smile on it.
why must you show it to others that you are strong outside in fact you are not.
everyone sure got their weakness.
I thought i am the one weaker in this area, yet i realised in this world, i am not the one.
Cry is an purity element i saw till today, inside consist of so many feelings...can be happy, sad, touch..
Cry is the relieve of energy and emotion.
you will have that very different feeling when you see e people cry.
especially the tear that come out from the eyes.
well everyone has grown up, you know the way of what to do.
a fall, must know how to climb up
a loss, must know how to recover back
a break, must know how to paste back
a stress-ed, must know how to desserts back
make more friends, and you surely know the feeling of having friends around.
can together eat meal, can together chatting
although i do not know anything, sometimes give people a laugh at me
but to their laughter, i also feel happy ah
better than dont have any friends right?
Dont have friends is like very lonely and sad.

well above mentioned does not talk about me or anyone, i am okay, everyone is okay.
scare you guys worried about me.
Its just a deep thought running on my mind when i am doing my reading.

Happy Birthday Darren!!

Finding ways to relieve my stress.
Feeling like increasing/ piling every now and then. Although its quite childish or girlish for a guy to get those finger dolls. But i just dont care. I must do things that i am happy and feel okay with it.
I still dont understand how many things Cyclone has covered under the table which i need to do. I am going to be mad soon. Staying late for work almost everyday since last week. I do not know where to find time to do my school work. Oh no.. Joe gotta be firm, there sure be a way!

Among all the bad news surrounding me this period, finally i got a piece of good news which i got it from yesterday. Someone brought a ring. Oh my goodness!! Nobody will expect who is it. Cannot wait for the big day to come hee..

Okay today going to take a break, putting aside the paper work to give Darren a surprise Birthday Party.
Never regret knowing him, a good bro, always at my side. Although i keep complaining to him teaching me all the funny bad things..oops sorry haha... i still know where i stand. Thank you for your caring and morale support. I grown up and learnt alot.

His party going to be a special one with Ivy and me doing all the planning. No people going to expect what is it. Haha i am sure he will get shock for such a special arrangement.

Darren, better remember this day and my $100 present.

Happy 29th Birthday!

Time to cheer up,

Bye,

Joe

Granny @(Mohd. Ali Lane) with many loves -----'-,-<@

Mum is leaving today for taiwan.
Hope this trip she can really enjoy max and take a good break. I am quite pity for her as she suffered alot for this family. Recently i feel my brother is unreasonable, torturing her alot. This issue caused me very headache solving it and with many other issues also coming out concurrently, i feel my whole self become 'Chen Zhong' and not so hyper like last time. Bearing many loads and responsibilities.

Happened to go to ikea yesterday and got myself these cute finger softtoys (animal dolls). I given every dolls a name of my best friends. Feeling whenever i am stress-d or trouble-d, will get to talk to them with my finger controlling their active movement.
Hee another easy way of relaxing my mind, and at all times feeling my friends are there for me (24hrs standby).

I given a name to this special doll called Granny, e lion.
Lion represents the characteristic of strong, firm and independent. I feel proud to know Granny. She can be a person that can live herself well in such an environment by herself alone. With her pride, she will not want anyone to help her and also firm on her thinking. She taught me alot during this short period esp. given me a strong mind to live well.

I understood e good and bad plus the black and white.

She also said growing up living in a difficult environment helped teach the person the secrets of being a successful person. She wanted me to have a practical psychological education into the minds of people, not often that a boy of five or six is always living with parents in a little house/kampong. Must learned about tactics and selection from the people talking.

Granny, thanks! I will not disppoint you.
One thing to tell you i quitted one of my bad habit and i am feeling much better now.
Too late to share it with you.

p/s: still believe she always at my side, supporting me.

Love,
Joe Sim

My Resolution for 2010

Joe sim 's resolution for year 2010,

1. Studying hard to achieve my degree
2. showing a right working attitude in my career
3. improve my fundamental skills
4. change naturally to be a good character

-- be decisive
-- firm
-- strong command and thinking

5. showing more care to my parents

Will not want to bring or cause disappointment to myself, my parents, my surrounding friends and lastly not least my Granny.

Working hard towards my goals!

cheers,
Joe

Air is HEAVY for me?

Just finished another meeting.

Recently everyone in the company does not feel okay, including me.

Do not understand a striking occurrence of two or more cases happened at one time apparently by mere chance.

You can hear ‘notebook’, this word from everyone’s mouth.

Is it too careless?

I feel bad for my colleagues, the losing case greatly affected their performance and year-long bonus. Don’t think there will be any promotion for them.

Its quite a serious case as the notebook containing many classified and co-confidential documents.

One thing is how can a notebook lost inside the lab which our security is so tight.

All these years there was no such case happened until we moved here, our new home.

Boss YK says, it is not a matter of lost but its that we lost our defence business.

Giving our customer a no trust, how will they let us handle their project next time.

Haiz my works are piling up due to Cyclone has shifted out for another project and my next colleague was on a long leave. Its like every day I am running up and down for two major projects by myself.

My question mark '?' is getting bigger whenever I go through every new chapter of my coursebook.

But its good to see I am sitting down at a corner pushing myself, reading it.

Just need time on this new area.

Sorry guys to keep me accompany for these few nights. I am controlling and will not let my tears down. I am sure Granny does not want to see me like that. Maybe I just need a little time.

Sorry to scare everyone off when talking to you guys so serious. That’s really how I feel now and that’s me!

Still cannot accept the fact that Granny left.

Love,
Joe

心肝寶貝

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7VH1lklZaM&feature=related

Miss ya everyone!!

Sehedule superpacked esp this week. ie work, school, army, bank, course, gathering, meeting... no time for me to breathe at all.

Haha my planning not perfect this time, putting everything in this period.
Haiz even a deepavali holiday yesterday, i am still at work for a whole day.
I pissed off yesterday on work, where everything coming to an end, i am saving my design of my project onto my hard disk. The transferring process held and all my datas got lost.
Its like the whole day of work had gone to drain.

My life 's so miserable that time, super lost and running out of time. My principle is to hand everything beautifully to my colleague for follow up when i am away. Shit i scare i cannot make it liao. If its not that Cyclops, i wont be suffering like that. So many works wanted me to do first before i am away. I am wondering why cant he help me these two weeks when i am away? Got so many things he need to do meh!?
Everyone, my colleagues can see this period there is a Marvel Super Hero character coming out and its Joe e Spiderman.
Haha think carefully what can a spiderman special power does?
Well last week i am like using alot of that power sia.

Yeah i finished my taiwan itinerary. I feel delighted after i finished quite a full detailed 33pages itinerary. My colleagues quite impressed that next time they want me to accompany them for group oversea trip, can help them plan a solid trip. Alot of them wanted my taiwan itinerary after seeing it.
Haha they actually can get from the website. Cause most of my work come from there, google search, blog search... and a little of work to cut and paste, organise and arrange it to your time sehedule package.

I met with boss jer and talking alot about taiwan trip. Until a time talking about religions, straight from that moment i heard of her sad story which all these years i am figureing, guessing. Now i understood what ve happened to her. Okay its personal, not to share it here. Hope she believe God. Alway remember God is busying at another side helping others who need help e most, then after awhile God will come back to you. Believe it, God will never leave us aside. Telling us must wait patiently, good thing will come soon. Jer smiles okie =)

2 more days to complete my "10 things to accomplish when I am going to taiwan".
Now i am at No. 9) Loyang Da Bo Gong temple, praying for safe trip, yi lun shun feng!

Heard from channel U, Typhoon from the puma series is hitting at taipei on my travelling period. Pray everything will be alright for us.

I ve completed my 7) and 8) recently, i finally brought 10% of my company shares for future use and also improve my insurance policy since i going to reach 30 soon.
I also met up Granny on friday late night telling her that i am studying now, will be less time to see her. But my heart will always rem her. Hope everything is alrite for her during this monsoon period, cos of her sleeping place at the roadside. Hope she dont catch cold easily.

well for 10) , wondering can i do it??

anyway i gonna stop here, i am late for a teachers gathering.
takecare,

Missya everyone!

Joe Sim, Boon..

Heartiest Congratulations!!

I am delighted i received the letter from the school on friday.
National University of Ireland has accepted me as their student.

Yeah i am now their Bsc36 Cohort intake.
School day time for me again hee..

Realised october is a busy month for me and spending alot too.
Got such a big hole in my pocket, heard from mum i lost $25k, my School fee $20k,
4 wedding ang baos, taiwan trip unknown yet.
Guess i gonna save abit more from next month onwards and also spend less too.

By looking at my course book- Economics Policy & Change, Essentials of Organisational Behaviour.
Hey whats this!?
oh no dont really understand at all??
Better quickly do more research before going to their school.

Gambatte Joe!!

joe is missing??

Am I running away?
Everyone start to say, joe is missing….? Nope.. I am not on dating okie.
Why no people ever ask a simple qns ie how re you?
Even its, most people will simply reply back, I am fine even he is not.
Well how I wish there is someone that can ask me this qns and more deeply ie what have u been doing lately..?
Well even my close friend did not know what I have been going through.
I really not sure how long can I survive? Do you all ever know that I may transplant my kidney to my father. Guess not a single person knows.

Do you know what am I doing recently?
Guess most people reply is, Oh joe is celebrating his last twenties birthday.
Well answer is not really correct.

Joe is still busy searching on solution beside the need to transplant his kidney...
why all doc can only give this kind of solution? Well joe arranged to meet up another kidney doctor from tan tock seng hospital which recommended by his colleague for some opinions.

Now I am doing a research on a kind of plant called asparagus. Heard from people saying it helps.

I have 14 more days to complete my "10 things to accomplish when I am going to taiwan".
I am at No. 5) registered my Bac of Science(HONs) on supply chain of management.

Which mean if everything go well in Ireland, I may start school after I come back from taiwan.
Haha its like not a single person know I am back to school again, with a very strong mind of doing well this time.
To be in the right state of my mind and super self discipline this time.
Its an intensive program, and I really want my Dad to be at my convocation soon.

After that I thinking of giving another good shot, master since its only a year time frame and depend on that course market.

No 6) advanced baking course going register soon.

Anyway I have a bad day today inside my boss room during my appraisal. Heard from him saying Cyclops did say something bad about me. I wondered why he had to say that to earn him credit or __?
Really hate such people wearing a mask in front of me. Nvm I still show belief in myself, I will prove my boss wrong and show him the evidence of the two things I promised him.
Luckily this time I am not with Cyclops doing the same project again.
Boss said there will be a new person coming in, under me and I am going to train him up to have a good understanding on the overall project.

Haiz my fever is like on and off… so many days already still not fully recovered. Well its not h1n1 or h5n7 lol.. kinda of virus attacked and also i did not have a good rest this period.

How I wish got someone call me now showing me concern or regards.

How I wish…

Thought of the Moment

My colleague wife's Dad didnt make it on last friday.
Struggled and then..

all the while we have been talking about him and also my Dad.
Cos both of them are having the same type of illness..

I am getting worried now.
Guess its part of our life that we will face this stage.
How i wish i am still in the 1st stage whereby i am in my primary school canteen eating my fishballs.

Haiz..

Wondering my research on asparagus and organic vegetables will help Dad?
checked out with the US national Cancer institute that asparagus is the highest tested food
containing glutathione, which is considered one of the body's most potent anticarcinogens and
antioxidants.

hmmm... hope what they told me its true.

My mood was affected.
But i keep telling myself i need to get my mind back to work.
Must stick close to my previous plan.

Ot-ed.. ot-ed..
Many late nights, hardly can sleep.

Guess nobody knows i am actually facing some internal emo.
Drinking wines these few nights along the swimming pool, hope to get some good sleep later.


Can Cyclops show some concern to me or not?
Always spoilt my early part of my working day.
Do not know why i keep seeing him in office everywhere.
Whenever see him, sure got different funny 'pushing' tasks from him.
ahhhh i need peace!
I really do not like his managing ways on work, so messy.
Heard he is attached out for another project soon, no more in charge of my one.
Hee guess customer complaint.?

Wish this day comes fast.
i want to do my usual planning, to push my project up to another level.

Well good news is i got it, the $2 million deal of my project.
Thanks DSO for supporting me and ST!
And also other colleagues for helping me to get into 2nd in position,
in term of profits for all projects.

Congrats!
But to me, i am not happy with it, do not know why.
Just many thoughts on my mind.
But i know i had been given alot out on work recently.
Well still early to say, there re still many things for me to learn and do.

I had a talk with my manager last week to discuss my future.
It was a casual meeting whereby we can also share our problem.

He told me my spirit must be there.
And ask me to learn from this dance group in the Britain's got talent 2009- Diversity: Dance Act.
All of them are engineers but they got their dreams, they go for it and work hard.
Result paid off.
and you can see they did alot for their final.
Excellent!

I guess i know his meaning,
he is okay with my career roadmap.
Given me green light
to give myself a good try out.

Jia You Joe!

to cut or not to cut ??

Result's out.

Dont know what to say..
It's easier to believe
that brings me to my knees.

i need some distraction
or a beautiful release

Let me be empty and weightless
from this dark cold room

i need an angel's arm
may i find some comfort

Silent alone...

A meeting with the Doctor

28-08-09 noon

a meeting with the doctor at Urology Centre.
Many qns to ask for my Dad.
Gotta control my feeling...

Pissed oFF

Super Pissed off with a friend on msn chat a moment ago when my mood was high and happy that cant wait to see the UnXpected band.
Wondering why he had to say this to me in this way. What are you trying to show me. Since you bother to say it out, then do not blame it or say its other who ask. Coward sia. The person can come and ask me ma, why will he ask you on his behalf. Furthermore he got my msn ma. As a friend, you should concern and find out why and what thing actually happened to me.
Well I hate your words..

You think i am not sad at all when i got the news long ago.. You think i am not panic meh.. You think i never think at all meh... You think its really my lifestyle meh... And all you think is to see the outer fact and listen to people said only. You never go in deeper to understand why i am suffering like that.

Thats why things did not go out well and people got angry or misunderstanding due to listening to people say. You did not know are they saying the right thing. You never go and understand, communicate with the main person well.

I can tell you the impact even till now still hurting me. Please do not talk about this promotion thing anymore. I really hate that person for that trip. If not that happened, i will have different from now. All the people that close to me will know whats happening between me and him, mr Phantom Mask. I feel all the while i never did anything bad behind him. Thanks for his bold nail onto it, it will let me get even stronger.

My friend's msn conversation previously--

Laughing Boy says:
not today lah
is yest
im wondering ppl got promoted but not u?
what has happen?
u dont seems to panick?
well maybe thats ur own lifestyle
i shld not interfere

---,-'-<@ joe.joseph-- says:
no comment

Laughing Boy says:
im asking on *tom behalf

End-

Shirlyn and UnXpected is back

Shirlyn and the UnXpected is back. I cannot believe my eyes when Timbre sent me an invitation today during work and saw her name appeared on the first programme schedule. My goodness i thought i will never see her again since she went to LA.
Cannot wait to attend it to hear her singing.

My last time hearing from her is at Wala Wala many mths ago.
Well NUS Cultural Centre here i come.
3 cheers for the UnXpected band!!!

Marathon Blogging

I do not know why i start to write this strange longest blog.
It all happened when Darren got into a car accident.

Part A- Updates

Last thursday i tried out a new salon recommended by Donn. I am the driver, fetching Nick and Donn to Toa Payoh. Really pissed off when i was actually doing my parking and both of my parking slots were taken up by two no manner-drivers. How can they immediately cut in like that, bully P-plate sia!

The small salon opened up by a twin sisters, given us a warmly welcome and i got what i like for my hair cut. Hmmm guess i going to change my orchard salon over there in any time.

After that i received a call from Darren. He got himself into a car accident. So worried about him. Luckily he was fine, it was a small one with three cars banged into one another.

But i was not rest assured, the accident keep running in my mind thinking of something.
I have finally finished that drama- Heart of Greeds and all the while i had stopped at episode 36 as i dare not to continue, if not i will see the saddest part, that accident.

When a person is gone, alot of things you want to say to him has vanish in the thin air.

I feel i have many things to say since i am here now..

Part B- Granny (Mohd Ali Lane--MAL)

I brought a sleeping bag for Granny. Did not know she refused to accept it as she got her own reason. The Pride!
I happened to know about her story-her son. Whereby i cannot say it out as it is her personal stuff. Very sad about it that happened to her and also she rejected my kindness of letting her to sleep well.
I know what she is trying to tell me. Certain thing you want, you must work hard for it, not by short cut way.

I accompanied with her for many hours talking about my family, my career and my love problems, everything how i feel now before i headed straight to my 21km AHM marathon run( Link to part E)

Granny wants me to believe and believe myself.
She say what if one day she is not around, she will not be there for me anymore.
Tears were running down from my redness eyes..
can you guys do not take such a good granny away from me, Please please...
I dare not to face this day.

I realised a song of what she said where she want me to believe. Heard it before from the movie of "Prince of Egypt".

Some important words highlighed me from the song.

" I must not afraid although i know there is much to fear but as i keep moving, there can be miracles When i believe.Though hope is frail, it is hard to kill "

-WHEN YOU BELIEVE-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxIN79n4jVo

Many nights we prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hope for a song
We barely understood

Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains
Long before we knew we could, whoa, yes

There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill

Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe somehow you will
You will when you believe

[Mmm...mmm...mmm...yeah]
Mmm...yeah...

In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer bird
Too swiftly flown away

Yet now I'm standing here
My heart's so full, I can't explain
Seeking faith and speakin' words
I never thought I'd say

There can be miracles
When you believe (When you believe)
Though hope is frail It's hard to kill (Mmm)

Who knows what miracles
You can achieve (You can achieve)
When you believe somehow you will
You will when you believe

[Hey...]
[Ooh...]

They don't know it's often when you ask, uh
And it's easy to give in to your fear, uh [Oh]
But when you're blind you find your pain
Can see or wake me through the rain
???Boy, am I still resilient voice???
Says love is the relief, oh... [Oh...]

There can be miracles (Miracles)
When you believe (Boy, when you believe, yeah)
[Though hope is frail] Though hope is frail [It's hard]
It's hard to kill (Hard to kill, oh, yeah)

Who knows what miracles
You can achieve (You can achieve, oh...)
When you believe somehow you will (Somehow, somehow, somehow)
Somehow you will (I know, I know, know)
You will when you believe [When you]
(Oh...oh...)
[You will when you]
(You will when you believe)
[Ooh...ooh...ooh...]
[Oh...oh...]
[When you believe]
[When you believe]

Part C- Now and Future

I believe i have not actually put in my best effort to strive for the best that i can be.
Everything i have done so far had been steps neatly carved out by the Singaporean education system and i have never had the chance to sit down and think through carefully what i really wanted and give my 100% to work towards it.

I still remember what Loanshark told me, remember to care more about yourself and not always worry for others!

This day, i am finally freed from the apron-strings of the system. But my life ahead still seems blurry and fluid. I have had 28 long years to think through what i want to do with my life. And at this point, i cannot deny i know exactly what i want. But... this is the beginning of an incredulous journey and i am glad to have my family and friends with me while i embark on my search for my own meaning in life.

My birthday going to come soon, it will be my last twenty. I do hope it will be a memorable birthday celebration for me, i want to enjoy till max and welcome myself into a new 3 digit on the coming year.

Part D- Mummy and Daddy

While i was walking out of a restuarant after a dinner. I looked at the back view of the 2 dearest people who brought me up and i cannot help but feel that they have really aged.. My Daddy has always been the Mr Nice Guy who is a go-getter who has taught me so much about putting my best efforts into everything. My Mummy, on the other hand, is an easy-going and never fails to help me when i am in need.

So, a big THANKS to Daddy and Mummy for everything, putting me through school without a worry and providing for me. Everything that i own today is because of the many sacrifices you made :)

I Love You, MUMMY and DADDY!!!

Part E- AHM Marathon 16-08-2009

4:30am already and i gotta end my chat with Granny, went straight to the esplanade bridge for my 21km Marathon run. My colleagues knew i did not sleep at all and were quite worried about me. Hee i give them a cheerful smile to ease their minds. Sorry to let Loanshark worried, it will not happen again, will take good care of my health.

Oh my goodness, guess who i met on the run.
Dawn, Zi Wei from my school, UniSIM!!!
I was walking toward my bag deposit counter with one super sleeping face and she still can recognize me in the dark. Seriously we have not see each other before in real person.

I was separated from my colleagues after running down from the benjamin sheares bridge.
They were very far from behind. To my surprise, i saw her again at east coast park,
the drinking booth. She was alone, same situation as me. So i accompanied her for this super Long Walk.

I like the part when we pass by every 1 km's panel, we will give both of us a boost up morale, a BIG Five! Haha guess my hand turned red when we reached the 15km.

We completed it by the timing of 3hrs 53mins 08secs.
Congratulations to our COMPLETION!!
Maybe we meet again on the SC run 42km!
Hopefully not at the same two spots area again haha..

Part F- Decision

Since Jer stated on her blog of stopping on a certain thing and it has come to a year already. I was thinking why i cannot do it, but of course my thing is different from her.
Well Jer, Congrats! keep it up okay!

Today i am seriously like to proof to you guys, my own decision about my life's path now.
Start now >> 18-08-2009 ...

Love,
Joe Sim
18-08-2009
05:12am

NUS HaLL

Hee guess where i am now?
NUS hall!!!

ho ho ho... now i know how's life here!

Tell you guys something, the toilet arrangement here are so different. I went into a female toilet and a girl inside is staring at me. I walk out fast without saying anything. The next moment i thought the next door should be for guy, ended up i am inside a girl room. Oops panic joe ran off this time. Wondered where got girl leave their door open during night time.

Yeah finally i found Loanshark!

Got a cup of brewing milo from her to keep my body warm
and a Redoxon tablet to top up my energy level after a 2.4km run.

Wonder will there be any hall for NIE? i wanna live there too ;p

Okie gtg, my milo is getting cold in any time..

Cheerios
Joe

What lies beneath your mask?

Long wkend going to end soon.
Good thing always end fast. Cherish most!

a little update on friday, met up with jar- Boss for dinner in vivo.
i havent met her for almost a year already since my trip to russia.
it was a warm up session in the starting, but later part we start to talk
about our personal stuffs which all the years we seldom talk about it.

First time i get to know myself from her view that i am a happy-go-lucky
and carefree person. Wow i missed my past, am i changing? It is true
i really seem so happy whenever anyone see me. Well where is my smile gone to?

Close to the end of our conversation, we both discovered we have our own
blogs! And i did not know she has been writing since her day at her
musicstudio-amk.

Today i happened to see her blog and realised she wrote a post for me.
-What lies beneath your mask?-

Saying about a happy lad of me putting on a mask, no one knows what
lies deep beneath unless i let them know.
Her impression of me was wrong after she read up my emo blog.

Thanks for your comment, i will try my best to hang in there.
"At times we feel lost, jaded, crushed. but we gotta be strong to keep things going.
yes, the world is not fair, there is nothing we can do about it.
work with what is within our means. We may not see any light in the tunnel now,
but we just gotta hang in there till we see a glimmer."

Well maybe i will try to write a happy post in this week later.

a shoulder to cry

I was plunged into mourning on Friday after the death of Bobby Robson
Struggled against cancer
It is difficult to accept such a person is no longer with us
but he is immortal
because he leaves in everybody who knows him a mark of his personality

a minute's silence

every part of myself being pull down
I am scare
May not see my Daddy
What will happen next
Keep flashing in my mind

Again he did not tell me he got Diabetics and eye blindness
I fainted
Why
Please do not keep everything to yourself
It will make me more worrying
If things get worse
I am lost again
What should be the right way
What should i do
Who should i look for
Everything i see
Black and white

Joe is badly beaten this time
Joe need a shoulder to cry
Joe can you be brave
Joe can you be courage
Joe need an angel to come down and calm him

hello Elmo and Friends

Yeah our Nicole is back from Japan. Spending so many days over there with bf sia, hee so lovely.

Okay see what she got for me, my dear friend, Elmo, wow so many of them...

So cute and all come in different colours. Too bad elmo joe cannot squezze in to take picture with them ;p

hahaha must quickly arrange a meet up session, we all miss you. Coffee or Tea? ;p

-Granny said-

Haha again dozed off on my table with the light is still on.
a stressful monday with our work design still do not match into the system level.
Resulting my dinner taken at late hours and returned home very late.

a quiet night today, can even hear a cricket snores haha..
Joe cannot get back to sleep..
suddenly Granny from Mohd Ali Lane came into my mind.
Recently went back to see my Granny again. Wondered how is she doing after did not go back for a long time.
Saw her sleeping place being occupied by a lamborghini.
Cannot believe it the owner cannot do his parking on nearby carpark and caused Granny unable to sleep there.
Whats being able to drive an expensive car with the $1 carpark fee cannot afford, i wondering??

As usual Granny is telling me many meaningful things which i keep learning again and again.

She said a value is hidden in myself.

Imagine a $10 note that crumpled and got dirty in the muddy water, yet still got people take it.
Why? No matter what you did to the money, you still want it because it did not decrease in value.
It happened to our lives too.
Many times in our lives, we fallen, crumpled or maybe ground into the muddy water by the decisions we make and the
circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But remember no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.

"Never let yesterday's disappointments overshadow tomorrow's dreams"

You are special!

Well said Granny,

One thumb up hee!

放心我对自己的未来有规划，再累也要自己面对

oh no 5am already, gotta get to sleep with later day going to work on that design again.. OH oh my gooooodnessss...

Nite Joe --'-,<@

updates

26th july 2009 04:40 am

Studying.. researching... thinking....

Spending a little time doing something different, i feel worth it.

Something i promised myself and also for others.

SIM CHUN BOON Jia you!

--Updates--

---Daddy is back home sweet home but still under medical treatment.
I am fully responsible taking care of him.
Every night i need to rinse him with special water before he can sleep.
A long process with the difficulty of separating a piece of clear paper into two,
and mixed with the water and patch it on his body.
Sometimes the paper may tend to close-ed up itself after rinsing with water.
So ended up i need to re-do again to ensure it is in a perfect square shape.
The process maybe long but worth it as long as it helps Daddy.

I remembered a day when i being said badly by my First Auntie.
She wondered how come i am not there looking after my Dad in hospital.
I did not do any explanation as she did not know i went almost everyday.
Just nice that day she came, no one was there.
Was told by my brother a day before, he will be there, but nope.
Feeling was bad, hurt by her said which i think i did not do wrong.
Well i am touched by her when i realised she eventually went to do research on any cures, solutions for Dad.
She sent me a parcel of files last week. Inside was full of details on how to cure it.

Feeling my friends and even First Auntie are all worried about my Daddy.
I thought in this world i am the only one worrying about him.
TOUCHED.
Thanks Guys for the Supports and Concerns!

I may be going China for a walk. Recently met up a few friends and heard there is hope over there.
Currently also doing research on that.
Must find solution soon before the whole report come out on 28th August 2009.

---Recently something did come out on my mind strongly after i met up Evan in Ikea-Tampines.
I want to learn abit on cooking.
He become one of the chef in fullerton hotel.
Feel so proud for him that he got what he want.
Last time in poly we always complaint about engineering haha..
Sad part is i am still here, really so listening to my parent.
Wonder when can i get that luck to go out to give it a try without letting my parent down.

Learning cooking reason is that i can reduce my mum workload. She need to cook two sets of dishes everytime for us and Daddy. And she still need to work, so tiring for her.
And also in the future my wife can get to try my yummy food hee.

---I may want to go for a break after thinking back, this whole year i did not travel at all. Zero record first time.
Doing research for good cheaper prices. Wow i am quite tempted by the jet star promotions.
One promo is the two ticket to taiwan only $300 plus. Oh my goodness, so cheap!
Let see who is the lucky country i am going to say hi hee.

--- 20th july 2009 Monday

ST electronics- SATCOM AND SENSORS is in the new company now. Welcome to upper paya lebar!
I am still not used to it. Missed Jurong East.

Food and transport wise are perfectly fine.
Gng up is Amk, Gng down is Bedok, Gng left is Toa Payoh, Gng right is Tampines.
The four wonders of good food places are within our location hee.
I just need 5mins to reach my workplace from home.
Saved up alot on petrol.

Hopefully i can settle down fast on this new environment.

0600am wonder how come the sky still dark. Is it Mr Sun 's alarm not working??
Well cannot see the sun rise today.
Joe is yawning.
Time to sleep before need to bring my parent for breakfast later at 0900am.

Tata..

13th the black friday?

13th July 2009 late night

Well it has been a long time i am not here. Guess i am really busy running up and down for hospitals. I can say i am not very good in writing blog. Poor english command and always unhappy feeling writing on it.

Is it a black 13th the friday today?
I do not know the answer but i got a super bad day.

I am Lost.
I am Sad.
I am a super FAILURE!

Finally i told the truth to Grandpa when visiting Grandma.
Got a hard scolding by him.
I am wasting my time or giving myself excuses?

I let everyone down.

Well for Dad, he still want me to help him get that holy water.. And i am helping him.
I wondered am i helping or ___ ??
What should i do?

Worry Worries Worriezzzzz....

Talking to mum to help me console him not to drink, she gave up on him.
Well i told myself i will not going to give up easily even how much i hate for Dad since that feeling in my Primary 4.

I am glad he let me learn in another way to be a better man.
Dad, Believe me, i will try my best to help you.

God please dont let him stay in the hospital for so long... 3 weeks already..
Even the people in the H1N1 security section also know me well.

Seeing many flows inside this room 25, but just only Dad and an old man got held back.
I am very pity on that old man.
I did cry for him for a time.
His case is more worse, hardly can move his mouth. So all his meals are all depend on milk, just one type of food and it goes through the tube into his nose.

Soon or later i going be seriously sick as my movement always in, out hospitals and those viruses can easily attacked weak thinking person like me now.

World is not fair, good people suffer and bad people got what they want.
I am really very angry on someone who planned such a brillant plot on Grandpa (Dad's side).
Caused my Grandpa to be in this state.
I really hate people cheating, lie on me.
I dont want to get hurt again.

Haha my blogging this time is like a mess... guess this is what is in my mind now.

Today i saw Serina at sgh, didnt know she visiting her sister here.
Same block with my dad.
Such a small world to see her.
Her sister got injured badly and going for another round of operation soon.
Heard from Dad its a big news happened- many peoples got serious hurt in the coach accident.
The coach was on the way to malaysia-cameron and crashed into a big loader.
1 dead, 7 serious hurt need to send in A&E immediately.
And her sister is in the 7 people list.
Really hope her sister is okie and go thru well for this operation.

Time is getting late, yet still cannot sleep...
Impact too deep??

AHHHHHHHHhHhHhHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........
Feel like shouting now.
Guess tml going to ecp or west coast, a seaside to give myself a BIG SHOUT! OUT LOUD!!


Night,
Joe
14th july 2009 4:06am

Hospital to Hospital

02-07-09 Thursday cloudy

There are many decisions i need to make during this period. I am afraid i will make the wrong choice.
--Why i had to make this decision by myself?

Wonder when will Daddy recover fully?
He had been sleeping alone every night at Singapore General Hospital. All of us are worried about him.
--Is e virus so strong to cure?

I realised there are many things that my Daddy did not tell me until today i heard his condition from the doctor. Guess he is worried about us, that is why he is keeping it to himself.
--Why he had to do that?

As the elder of the family, i need to be strong and firm as i know the whole family need me now.
God, please give me some energy.
--Why am i so weak?

Granny suffered a fall today during her exercise walk.
Blood keep coming out from her body non stop.
Struggled herself in Alexandra Hospital.
Thanks to You.
A no manner, no patient guy caused my Granny to be like that.
Hate you till max!
--Why is it another blow to me?

Today went to see my dad, after awhile i need to rush over another side to see my Granny.
It is like from one hospital to another hospital.
Guess what, it is my first time to lost my way although i am a good Road Directory.
Instead of going to Alexandra hospital, i went to Thomson hospital.
Oh my goodness, do not know what my mind is thinking.
--Why am i so depressed?

Memory loss again?

.........................???

A&E hospital

Usually by this time, i am either doing something or finished something but nope. Sitting down at a corner quietly thinking of many things, cannot get myself to sleep. Should i try the second time for those sleeping pills?

Yesterday 29-06-09, supposed to be a smooth day for me to accompany my Dad to get the medical report but ended up in another hospital. I was panic when i received his call saying he felt pain and his foot was swollen. Rushed back from work and saw his foot. What happened!? Gotta carry him to A&E.

It was a bad weather. Each raining alway give me a thought of something bad is happening. Yes it was, rain through out the whole night. Inside the A&E, it was very cold for me, i was like shivering alone waiting for Dad to come out.

9pm....10pm....11pm....
so hungry, why i did not want to go for my dinner?
Why Dad is inside for so long?
Why Dad's foot swollen?
Why must it happened to my Dad?
There are so many Why WHY wHy going on my mind....

I know it is not within my control but i cannot bear to hear or see it.
Injection process was so long.
Thought the songs in my phone will prevent me from thinking too much.
But again why all songs to me sound emo?

Suddenly i got memory loss, do not know who to speak to.
Thanks to a few friends called for concern and asked me not to worry.

Finally Dad is out but need to transfer to another hospital, SGH in the next morning, 30-06-09.
Please do not happen anything to Dad.

Hope everything is positive.

Please....

A SPECIAL BLOG

This is my first time I blogging at someone's house, our jason and xiuling new house.




Actually alot of friends discouraging me from writing this post. But I persisted and pluck my courage to post this to express my deepest feelings.



Why am i saying it out again, maybe they are concerning about me. Supposed to be a good teachers' party, but i wore the wrong mask today. An emo mask showing everyone.



Feeling terrible but i want to call it an end. I do not want to keep it in my heart anymore. I am troubled with so many things recently, my father, my works, my studies and my love dilemma. Today i feel like talking about my love dilemma as all these while i did not have the courage to say it out. I feel i do not want to leave things unsettle and leave beside a scar. I should not hide my feeling as this is my blog, i got the freedom to say anything i want. If i am still scare or afraid of people saying, then i should in the first place go back to my old diary writing.



I know there is something wrong from 17-04-09 friday, our last meeting. Can see you are purposely cold towards me, from your every reply. Just because i did something good for you again and repeated the history again? 6 times rejected and promised what we have previously said on christmas eve as not to mention this issue again.



Yes the gifts are more than a friend's doing. I know in the first place i should not give them to you. But i know the stress you are facing in your final exam and at the same time someone passed away. I know that kind of feeling. So i told myself i have to give them to you no matter what happened. I know doing these stuffs is like a kid, and it is very foolish. But it is just my little token of concern and effort to cheer you up. My main motive is to want you to give it all out in your last papers. Actually i am looking to the day when i can attend your convocation.



Frankly telling you, yes the stuffs i did, i got put feeling on it when doing. I admit myself i still love you sincerely. Alway staying aside quietly helping you as a friend. It is only friend role then i can have the privilege to help you. You still remembered our last wine session when you asked me this question, why all these while, unlike others, why am i still treating you so good? I purposely jumped the topic as i am afraid that i will scare you away if you know the real answer. Well you got the answer now. Am i so foolish and naive that i alway handle my love relationship so seriously and faithfully, treating a girl so good. I alway think time will tell everything unlike others that sometimes treat love like probation period. Ever since i get to know you, i finally realised the true meaning of love. I feel i can do anything for you, i want to take care of you, share your sorrow and share my happiness with you. I thought after a certain period of time you will understand how I feel towards you. I am not sure when you will accept me but I do not mind waiting by your side helping you, concerning about you. I really never push you and ask for any forms of return. I just want to see you happy in your life, then i will feel better.



Well i think in the end, it is my fault. I putting in too much feeling on it and put you in a difficult position although I know you want to accept me just as a close friend.



I am writing this is not to get your attention or concern but just want to say it out for myself. But why everytime i did anything good for you, you will straight away disappear. Do you know i doing all those stuffs is not for anything but just want to encourage you, JIA YOU! Guess i am scaring you away and put you in a hard position to face me. I know you are not ready as you just gain your freedom. It is something u alway say being single is great. Well i really do not agree as if you really meet someone special, then you should seize the opportunity to be with that special one. Well I feel I do not have the right to stop you and say you anything but I think I respect your desicion. I have to move on and wish you all the best.



I am really feeling lost nowadays, feeling listless during work. After work, I have nothing to look forward to. I just feel that I have lost my aim in life. So I tell myself I must pick myself up, regained my drive and zest in life and move on. I am just too tired and exhausted right now and I want to start afresh with the next stage of my life. I am no longer young and I still have alot of exciting things waiting for me to experience... so if fate permits, our paths may cross again....



Hope you really can find a guy who truly love you. I do not want wish to see you hurt again. It will make me feel pain.

So take care and friends always.

Love,
Joe Sim
28-06-09
02:50 AM

Reading night

-- Coming to 4am, finally finished my reading.

This is a fabulous book which I was impressed with its clarity, its many examples. It is a new psychology of health and joy.

A class of its own in depth of understanding and is exceedingly helpful in clinical practice.

One thumb up!

-- Well a busy teacher' week for me. Met up a few teachers and realised there are many things i need to get prepare first before going into NIE.

Mature tactically a lot over this season, and ready to challenge on all fronts!

-- Cannot wait for this coming sat 27-06-09.

It is a major event- Teachers' function party!

I brought 2 bottles of good wines to share among all teachers.

Abit scare cannot 'click' with them, as most of them are highly ranking-PHD, seniors.

Oops better prepare myself with some interesting topics to share with them first.

-- Sunday 28-06-09,

I promised myself gotta go down to look for this place to pray for Daddy, good health alwayz.

Will spend many hours over there as heard from others that wishes do come true.

-- Okay time for bed, if not later going to be late for work.

Night Joe~

Blogging Time

73days...

20th june 2009
a day of working again..

Haze from forest fires in indonesia started. Likely return of El Nino- which brings dry weather to our region and a H1N1 community outbreak threatening.

World is sick? Am i too?

Many things occured too sudden.
Some good, some bad.

ST-satcom dept going to move over to paya lebar at 18th july 2009.
New expanded area.
I am being appointed as company logistics- planner ic.
Work loads filing up.

Yesterday saw my gigantic satellite brought over from Russia.
That time i had a hard time of getting this project completed.
So great to see it working perfectly here.

Works, not smooth.
Problems do come out often in the engineering area.
Especially you are facing a lot on components level.
They may not work perfectly well on your design.
Terms like obsolete, lead-free, manufacture-design, tolerance, MOQ, cost, time appeared as a problem.

No more monday blue.
It was a good start of this week.
Wearing a baby blue shirt sleeves.
Giving colleagues a purely sweet look.
And surprisingly i won myself tickets to the zoo and the flyer.
Thanks to someone hee.

Missed zoo deeply.
I want to enjoy myself extemely high over there.
Going to take many pictures with the nature scences and the animals.

A good shopper lover did not get anything in the Polo Ralph Lauren Staffs event.
Oh thats amazing weird!
Surprisely i did not spend a single cent.
keep thinking of my Dad on that night.

Father Day is coming.
Do not know what to get for him.
Cannot bring him out for good food.
Maybe taking a breather with him on my bike.

Sweet memories when i am small that time.
He showed me around sg with his vespa scooter.
That is how my passion comes on bike.
And i got myself another good nickname, Street Directory Boon from friends.

Well feeling much better,
have to get back to my report again.

An early Happy Father Day to You!

Love,
Boon

-- VINCENT --

Thanks kk, such a nice guy for getting me this Don Mclean CD. Inside got a song that i really wish to hear, Vincent.
A touching song to please anyone especially during night time. This song is created in memory of Vincent Van Gogh, a Dutch artist, who produced many of the world's best known paintings, then later, he made the world realised that the depth of his love was what his life was all about...

Starry, starry night. Paint your palette blue and grey. Look out on a summer's day. With eyes that know the darkness in my soul. Shadows on the hills. Sketch the trees and the danodils. Catch the breeze and the winter chills. In colors on the snowy linen land. Now i understand. What you tried to say to me. How you suffered for your sanity. How you tried to set them free. They would not listen, they did not know how. Perhaps they'll listen now. Starry, starry night. Flaming flowers that brightly blaze. Swirling clouds in violet haze. Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue. Colors changing hue. Morning fields of amber grain. Weathered faces lined in pain. Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand. Now i understand. What you tried to say to me. How you suffered for your sanity. How you tried to set them free. They would not listen, they did not know how. Perhaps they'll listen now. For they could not love you. But still your love was true. And when no hope was left in sight on that. Starry, starry night. You took your life as loves often do. But i could have told you, Vincent. This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you. Starry, starry night. Portraits hung in empty halls. Frameless heads on nameless walls. With eyes that watch the world and cant forget. Like the strangers that you've met. The ragged men in ragged clothes. The sliver thorn of bloody rose. Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow. Now i think i know. What you tried to say to me. How you suffered for your sanity. How you tried to set them free. They would not listen, they're not listening still. Perhaps they never will.

This song reminded me of this show 溏心风暴. It is the best drama i ever seen. Many things i learned from there. Growing more mature with these meaningful espiodes, ie 14- taught about friendships and relationships, 27- family distance as "da kan" mum passed away of this illness, 30- money issues and plots setup by wicked, greedy peoples. 31- why blog without attract attention (AA). From these esp., knowing the important of friendships. I forgive everything and sorry if i am. Whatever illness he got, everyone in the family must be close together. Most guys feel blogging is a waste of time, "wu liao" as no people will see. But i disagreed . Whenever a person is not happy, it is not go for drinking or looking for people to chat, you tend to feel like writing. The feeling will get better. Anyway there are many complicated peoples in this world, must know yourself who is really your real friends and normal friends. Treasure them before you lose them.

Take care.

Love,
Boon

Bake TimE

Didnt huat properly.



1 batch chewy, 1 batch crunchy.
Experimented with frosting and molds.


Many eggs going..

Give my dead blog some colours in life..
Love baking.
I remember my first baking artpiece is Oreo Cheese Cake.
Haha did not know the ingredients that i spent so much was on that one small packet of milk.

@>-'-,--- Speedy Recovery---

So similar...

There is always a beginning.

It was beautiful and smooth, bring me alot of future thinking and expectation but hiccup will occur out of a sudden.

Very true, totally depicts what i went through. I know this time round, it is going be tough. You are not me, you have no idea how hurtful it was on me, but i have to brace through all alone. Too heavy on me. Days passed by in a daze. I live these days without having much recollection of what happened, each day passed by and i cant really remember what had happened the day before. Memory loss i tink. If only i can just erase the whole chunk of memory or better still, i will turn back time and not gone for that operation at all.

Ah ma gone and i did not have the chance to see for her last look.

This period i have been very down, my spirits can never be lifted up, how am i going regain my positivity? The kinda want very much to cry yet cant cry, it is even more tormenting. I can feel my dad's pain and he need us now, together strongly to show him the concern and care. Something is missing whereby my brother dont feel it. He does not know it at all, creating unneccessary problem for us.

A word kept flashing into my mind recently, immature. Seeing many things going on which i cannot stand it, why they did or think of such silly things? Colleagues, friends and even my brother...why? I feel i cannot communication with them anymore.

Whatever i want, i can never get in life-- NEVER! i cannot understand why. Did i had such bad karma in my previous life that i have to suffer this.

Granny (Mohamed ali lane ) say must know how to wash yourself, to bring the purity to life. Not every knots cannot be tangled off. Need to respect each other then everyone will live peacefully. She said no need to change for others, without any anger is good. Be myself to have such a good character, others will envious they dont have.

Well it has affect my work for one whole month. I cannot concentrate at work. I cannot work to my optimum lvl. It is pulling me down.
Tomorrow i am going to DSO, national laboratories to do some research and testing. Going be a hard week for me where i need to have a clear mind first.

I feel like giving up on this coming sat, 06/06' final competition, lack of supports and the morale is low. Well i hope to recover on that day immediately to perform my best, cannot afford to let this championship cup slipping off to other teams.

Happiness is something we must fight for and not wait for it to drop by. Some are lucky, happiness is always around them. As such, they dont value happiness as much. But for us who aint lucky enough, then we have to fight for it and do something about it. Rather than wait and mourne, happiness will never occur on us. Similarly, misery is not something we have to wait for it to disappear. It is something we have to get rid of. It is again dependent on ourselves to get rid of misery and not let it spoils the whole of us. Like the saying goes, a rotten apple if left unattended will spoil the whole basket of good apples. Just the same as misery, if we leave it unattended in us, it will only cause more misery in us. So i have decided, i will fight for my own happiness and get rid of my misery. Rather than indulge in self pity and self questioning about certain happenings. Things happen for a reason, they always do. If it happens not to your liking, be glad that it happened earlier than later. If things happen according to your plans, embrace it with gratefulness. No one can give me the happiness i want except myself because it is me myself who will determine to live happily or sadly.No one can cause more misery than myself because it is again myself who will allow the misery to set deeply in. I believe one day i have my own happiness to share and be proud of.

Dad not matter how hard you go through,

Daddy i ♥ u
Always..

Speedy Recovery!

Loves,
Joe Sim

Get Well Soon Okie

Feeling lost.. went back to Mohamed ali lane to look up for Granny again. Sometimes u will expect something different from her. She speaks from her heart-true and simple. It smoothens my feeling and open up my mind.

Heard many stories from friends saying their dads are not good or something. But something happened to my dad. He is really a good dad taking care of us, this family. Why god must ill treat him like that, given him this illness whereby he is such a nice, helpful guy. He does not smoke, no drink, faithful to my mum, hardworking. But why.. why.. why...

These few weeks i can see he is getting weaker and tired. I do not know how to response to it.
Feel like saying out to you guys, my close friends asking how, what should i do?
Sorry kept telling nothing happened, always putting a smiling mask on it.
Well it affected my mood on work. Took many mc 's and leave 's recently. I am afraid boss will look into it, my performance. Got to work hard now, if not i cannot meet the deadline.

Darren, Ivy, Donn, Alex, Jason, Ivy, Nick, Xin Xuan, Queky, Karen, Huey Min, Jasmine, Birdie, Nancy, Weijie, SoonMing, Henry, Chan, Clarence, Dawn, Esabelle
-Thank you very much for cheering me up, listening to me, helping me.

I will try to be happy, gain back my confidence and be myself okie.

Well its getting late, 2am plus.
Hope i can sleep now after saying everything out.
Wish me a good week start ahead.

Loves,
Joe

**Starry Starry night**

so many stars in the sky today... haiz..

How i wish in this world, everyone is friendly and easy going.. sometimes i wonder money really so important to everyone? Because of money, it make this world so ugly. You can see evil guys coming out. I remember ah ma always want me to know how to write this word, Simple. It is simple, with nothing inside but the contents is peaceful. To be a sim family people with simple mind, everything will go smoothly, no worries, no stress. You will not meet up any funny things or bad guys causing/plotting problem on you.

Ah ma, how i wish i am that country mouse -(country mouse and the town mouse). I really cannot find myself belong to this town. so Hard to breathe inside there.
I love to see you and ah gong in the farm. Growing all kinds of vegetables, still remember the funny chillis you planted. Ended up i ate the wrong one, so hot for me. Pond fishing with many little black tadpoles swimming around. Interesting frogs life cycle story you told me. And the funny chicken farm, always had many great fights with the chickens for collecting the eggs. And during one time, i lost. In the process, i got a deep cut on my right knee. Ended up the scar is still there. Love the part during evening, we always run to the airport runaway seeing many planes flying off. So sweet the scenery with the background of the pinkie sunset!
I remember i told myself i wanted be like them one day, flying around seeing the whole world.
Still remember Miss Foo Moi Lee, my primary school teacher praised me, saying my knowledge and passion on planes are so strong, my dream will come true.

Hey Thanks Alex for bringing me to T3 recently which all these while i never been before.
All the little memories bound back into my mind.

Work, work and work, i dont know how much efforts and researches i have put into it, the Modules still dont come out good. Deadline is close, i dont know how to make it work on the design? Help me! I think i really dont have that engineering talent.

This period how i wish to have you friends support and warm concerns.

Wish me luck on my application, hope to get in NIE in july.
And sorry Mum, i didnt update my april process, will load up soon these few days when i am free. I think the dinner on june will be on me liao.

Anyway,
Happy Mum Day!

..Lost and Found..

Today, my topic is lost and found.
Recently, a series of incidents has happened in my family, friends and works.
And i thought i lost it.
All the laughter and happiness that used to be around me.
Luckily, that is these bros.
They have been putting in so much effort in pulling me back together.
And they are Donn, Alex and Darren.
Sometimes, i think they are strange guys.
I always nagging at them for many things.
But to me, they are like my DAD.
During the stress and down period they will give me a hug.
Just like yesterday night i went into boozer land after a bad day at work.
There was nothing inside but to me, its content is love.
From now on, i wish to receive their hugs every year, every month.
No, everyday.
Because i know them will bring me love and happiness.

Loves,
Ah Boon

. a timely word may lessen stress .
. a loving word may heal and bless .

TP TesT

Finally i met up with Alex and we have a long chat plus my nice brewing lemon tea and his funny coke around. Well he didnt agree with our whole design company setup and he given me some ideas on it. Hey Guys, guess our next meeting going come up soon. I got some discussion to bring out. Seeya!

Went to Loyang Da Po Gong to pray for exams luck.. as usual still got so many people at this late hours.
Well Good Luck for my TP test today!

Smilez,
Joe

Queky Duck- Rhino Joe s' Chat

R: why? I realised 1 out of 10 guys will write Blog.
Q: why should I write a blog?
so that I can showcase my life?

Q: my own analysis of being who writes a blog.
reason 1) attention seeking, want people to show concern and be interested in their lives.
reason 2) Archive: want to record down events in their live like a diary so that they can read when they are older
so, what is your reason?
I mean...my own analysis of those who write a blog.

R: im surely for reason 2
cos i dont give my blog website to anyone, only close ones.
so its not seek for attention.

Q: wah kao whats up with the Elmo pics?
u gay ah
R:who say man dont ve their childhood fav character..

Q: but i do encourage u to write a blog
it will improve your written english
if u put in the attempt to check before u upload

Q: maybe you should refrain from using fancyful english
onli, pplez, nw
i think if u wanna improve u have to be strict about it
else it becomes a habit
R: Got it! Hee thanks!

Interesting chatting... gain something into my mind.

Short Sweet Saturaday

~MEMO~
Qing Ming Jie falling today
-woke up early for market
-cooking process, im watching onli hee
-ah ma here i come
-ahhh hot hot sia... weather..
-sunburn
-many pplz, crowded..
-nowaday seldom young ppl come for it
-miss ah ma
-my last knowing i with her is at Haw Par Villa
-formerly called tiger balm gardens
-many memories recalled

Late for driving
-no more mistakes to be commit
-wrong upslope mistake making such a hot news
-so paiseh
-exam coming soon

Discharge
- Yeah Mr Wong recovered
- thanks god

Discussion
-another proposal talking
-a serious case, pls follow my plan
-it will work out smoothing
-wish u luck guys tmr when meeting him

Late dinner
-Mum with me craving for curry potato
-her fav yummy cooking

Works
-many reports to do
-haiz 4am still awake nw

take care =>

Joe almost bought himself a bunny rabbit

Joe almost bought himself a bunny rabbit.

Passed by a shop. Hey! I saw little bunnies hopping, crawling around and they are so cute..
Was thinking of getting one for myself to keep me company
but just when i was about to queue up for payment.. haha something jumped into my mind.
I stopped and didnt buy it.
its ALMOST.

i never thought whether i buy it back..
Will he or she feel lonely mah ah...?

Precious Life

Not sure these few days.. emo's coming back... but i told myself must control it since i've come all e way here already. 2 more mths before submitting my progress report. Well tears within e internal line without letting it out.

Why good people like Mr Wong dont smoke, dont drink.. kind, humble person end up laying in CGH now.. Getting a stroke 's a serious case yet he still can smile at us asking how re we doing.. He totally didnt know we are all worried about him. I cant bear to see him laying in bed with his only own wife looking after him. I wish he able to drive back his Mercedes-Benz car rather than giving us for free..and back to his director post, guiding his company success.

Well Donn, after that long nite chatting, i hope you can follow my healthy lifestyle. I will plan many sport, leisure events for ya. Do not wish to see you smoke and drink too much. Sorry if i said too much but i meant for your good, care of your health.
Hope u understand.

Life is so precious.

我永远不会忘记今天

人去了没什么，自然界的规律，生命形式的转换而已，只要他们去得平静，没有痛苦。
没有看到最后一眼也没什么，心结其实还在“子欲养而亲不待”上，后悔没在最亲最爱的人活着的时候为他们做得更多更好，带着愧疚的伤心会需要更长的时间放手。
我光想想如果突然有一天得知关于父母不幸的消息，我就不寒而栗，觉得不能原谅自己这么多年在外面没有来得及尽孝.

不会忘记，更重要的是现在那些还活着的亲人爱人，对他们好，让他们快乐。

只能感叹生命无情的一面.
然后就是在慢慢的调整中好好照顾自己吧.

-Past one month-

Im back again.. didnt know ve been away for so long.. All the while i ve been busy with my work. Didnt know come to this stage is quite tough, things didnt go smoothly. Doing alot of research and system analysis. Results didnt come out what i want. Omg.. Boss scheduled this 2yrs project to complete in coming June. Running out of time.. feeling lost, thinking what kind of 'magic' to let my modules to pass.. haiz~

while away...
Picture1) went for cycling in ecp with this group of friends, Ocean Four. Planning the next one at bukit timah nature.

Picture2) funny, friendly, click-click colleague cheering up my day alway.. Winnie Chan- the pooh.. look alike rite? ;p

Picture3) Stress on my work during late nights.. Class 95 is alway there for me.. Oh
cant rem which nite i took this picture that came out this song, my fav, i alway delicated at wala wala. check out this mtv-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5nLGpbTX2Q&feature=related
Film- my sassy girl
Musique- Daniel Bedingfield ' If you're not the one"

Picture4) my Xiao Bai!! accompanying me every nite at e pine pool. oops she dozed off again.. guess i nagged too much my emo.. lol;p

Picture5) Baby Lobster in my house.. i wonder how big can it grow.. currently this little tank, he keep complaining too small to swim.. see so frustrated that he jumped up trying to ecsape.. lol..

Picture6 and 7) Bro, Queky Duck.. lol too bad.. caught u off guard in this pic.. lol
we've blading plus enjoying our sea breeze together...

Picture8) my Dear Mummy, we had a date on vday-dinner. She's so Beautiful! Love u MummY!

Picture9) Yummy ginger plus egg pudding-nice combination i mentioned.

Picture10) a small gathering with my primary school friends

while also busy myself at hospital.. a night where i sat down with a cup of hot mocha, seeing so many patients and ambulance 'busy' in- a busy nite.. their faces telling us that life is precious.

my mind come to this : To the world, you may be one person but to one person, you may be the world....

Do free to drop by this small lane at Mohamed Ali where there is an old ah ma sleeping there every night coughing, shivering.. only cardboards to cover herself. Her living is just selling old stuffs that she collected and will display out for passerby people to buy. Feel pity for her. I really hope u guys can drop by, maybe buy something from her, make her life beautiful.

okie gtg.. time for work again..

take care guys!
mIss ya!