my COMPASS

haha looking through my blog's writing in the past, i can feel that i behaved like a kid. Oh my goodness, my English 's so horrible, so many mistakes after going through it. Anyway i already got a plan, i will be attending an English class in the British Council at the end of this year. Guess my friend, Mr Quek has been grumbling a lot that it is important something need to be done to my English. At the meantime i am looking for a job that allow me as a fresh grad. to step into this new field, supply chain management. It will be a hard time for me to get this job because of my age. I really need to impress them and let them know what i can really do and provide for the company during the interview. For the time being, most of my concentration will be hunting for jobs.

Last week i also announced to this group of close friends, i am considered of leaving. I do not want to spend too much time doing this friends 'bonding'. I am not sure do they appreciate it, all the while i have been telling them a gathering is a must, at least once in every two weeks. I want everyone to be together like a family, giving that closeness, care and concern. At the same time they can update themselves, knowing how are they doing. I do not want them just to be busy with their gfs or bfs only. Come on, in this world it is not only them, there are still friends around. You guys need to give a bit of time for the gathering and i do not know why every outing need to be outside drinking. We can meet up like cycling, prawning, hiking etc. This kind of gathering is much more healthy and meaningful. Hope you guys can really think about it and come out this kind of outing in the future. I will not be totally leaving you guys but not to give 100% attendance anymore. I will be spending this extra time to do well with my family bonding and also to improve my skill and knowledge for the future uses.

Later part i will be writing more about my love.

Wish me more and more luck on this Bunny Year!!

Happy Bunny New Year to everyone!

Seriously i do not know how to start.
Away from here for such a long time, sometimes i am staring at my blog, wondering how to write although there are many things running in my mind.
I want to share it with you all, well most important is i am still fine, a happy lad :)

Understanding my parent 's age is getting older.
I feel at all times i should take care of them with even more care and concern.
Thoughout all these years, i feel i spent too much time outside with my friends solving their problem, yet i realised i spent too little time with my parent.
Sorry everyone, hope you guys understood i reshuffled my time schedule for my parent.
Past few months i brought mum out often, showing her many places that she never go before.
I didnt know she got such a long time never visit to Orchard.
Orchard changed so much that she didnt even know which building they are except Taka.
I brought her to Forever 21 in 313 and told her that all young girls will crazy over here and its the largest with 3th storey high in Singapore.
I spent time helping her to choose design, queueing up the fitting room with so many people looking at us with their weird eyes.
I dont care what they are thinking, i just want to spend my precious time with mum.
haha i didnt expect she brought so many stuffs over there.

Although i know my parent 's style, alway like to comment but wont like to praise..
Even i am doing something good, they will still find something to comment.
I told myself to cool down, they are still my parent and no matter what they are meant good to me.
They taught me all the good things, discipline me.
I am glad to have them and like to thank you to them for what i am now.
No matter what i will try all my best to take care of them all the way.

All the while i didnt know their wishes are to see me graduate and have a gf.
If everything goes successfully, i will graduate this year, June.
Wish me luck on studies!
Although all the time i didnt have luck in getting a gf, i still wish this year i can have a good gf to show it to my parent.
Wish me more and more luck on getting my first gf!!

Jia YOU!!!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Yeah its a nice Christmas which i didnt expect it to be in this way.
Very Different.

Went through Jason and Xiuling pre early xmas house party celebration, Marvellous!
I enjoyed max although its simple.
-turkey once again the main problem of cooking and cant finish it.
-finally we met up Peiying and her new bf plus Sianming, (many years didnt see them at all).
-More people this time as both sides of the group mergering together for celebration.
-like being a planner and satisfied on my explanation for the game to go fun and wild!
-brought a good interesting card game, Swap!
too bad didnt got time to try on my taboo and polarbear game.
-Gift exchange which i didnt expect to be from Mark, unique groovy guitars ice cube tray.
-surprise part, extra gift from Jason and Xiuling.
I got a bright yellow notebook, cool!
-Overall great to make new friends.

Another xmas party at the actual eve day which i planned didnt go smoothly as many things did happen at my close friends side.
-Someone passed away at such a young age.
Depression.
Didnt expect to turn out in this way.
Everyone is down.
-Two couples didnt have a good time with each other, spending their day to solve it themselves.
-Cancelled the party.
- In the end it turns out in another way for my celebration.
-Just hope this period everyone is back and together like usual.

Everyone is curious on how come this period i didnt talk much about her, NTU.
Haha i am not angry with her or avoiding her (MIA).
Maybe she thought it is the sat dinner issue but it is not.
I did have a little disappointment when i called her up one of the day, she didnt even respond and reply back.
Can see from there onwards not much news from her.
haha maybe she is running away from me or angry on me.
or maybe busy with her dating (someone whom she is very active in her sms).
I will respect her decision on how she wants it to go, its herself.
I did not think much at all this time and just let my mind be freely run.
Not like last time, i take it very seriously, keep asking around what should i do.
Maybe caused by the REBORN.
-I didnt tell anyone i almost have an accident on 09th Dec 2010.
-I may just go in a sec.
-scary.
-no alcohol at all.
-very tired after work plus late dinner.
-eyes keep closing while driving.
-without realising the car speed keeps increasing from 120km/hr..130..140...
-almost going to bang into another car.
-suddenly applying ebrake thus created such a terrible loud noise and smoke also.
-company van losts control and occupied horizontally along TPE lane 1 and lane 2.
-created such an impact on me, realised something.
-do not know how to describle it.
-just say its a Reborn.

I am thinking of giving a thought on trying out charity works.
Heard from Jason and Xiuling mentioned Ry know about it, may wants to find it out more from her and do something meaningful.
Firstly need to check out on the schedule of their duties and from then work it out on my timing to fix it well and smoothly.

I received a call from Uncle, it was not a good call.
Maybe i will talk it more on the next bloging.

Merry Christmas to everyone!

Such a disappointment!!!

i failed my exam!
didnt know it came out so fast on the sunday.

My mood already not there when i know i didnt do well for my presentation.
To make thing more worst, exam result released out in the night.
How will a normal person take it such a blow at the same time.
Spending so much time on doing my presentation, even given up my long waited marathon yet received such a disappointment.

When this time round i am looking up for my good friends for listening ear, no one is there.
All never pick up my call on sunday.
i cant believe it.
are you guys playing fun on me or is it gods you?
even ask them out, no one can make it on any day.
do u guys believe it, so coincidence.
all of them push it on coming sunday.

am i asking too much?
or am i still behave like a baby, need many attention?
why cant i behave like some of my guy friends, simply dont care anything.

feel like giving up hope on friends and be myself alone.
Yes i know everyone is busy but somehow should be able to spare a little time when a friend there need accompany.
does anyone know recently i just realised something, a secret.
all these years since poly, i didnt know my such guy friend cheated on me again and again.
why he needs to do that, he really do not know how to treasure friendship but just to make use of people.
seeing him hurting on me when i put so much time and hope on friends, yet i got this kind of result.

anyway forget it, i just go out on my own this week.
do my hiking, take a seabreeze or whatever.
have my dinner with my ye ye and forget it, no need to make myself so hard to make an appointment with friends.

is it a depression?

sorry Quek, i didnt keep my promise.
I did something wrong in one of the day.
It was not a good day for me, feel hurt in my heart.
And i went to touch the cigarette and its a chain of smoke.
How silly i am.
I know i should not, but somehow i do not know why.
Why am i alway so weak and easy get hurt?

Whatever the answer is, i need to respect her decision.
I didnt talk much or pester on her on that day.
I didnt even tell her i didnt accept the girl that confess her love to me long ago.
Do not know what happened, my heart is still vibrating.
I am very scare of depression, not sure does anyone knows.
Anyway i still accept her as my friend, this is the path i chosen myself.
I do not want to leave her and gone like most guys did.
Well at the same time i am finding solution to cure myself and i think i got a way now.

No matter what, after that day i still need to follow on my agreement and also do not touch the cigarette again.
and for this one whole year not to fall in love with anyone.

these few days my head is getting pain, not sure is it the hangover i got or think too much on friends issues. Some misunderstanding and i feel i lost some impt friends.
Pls forgive me, i am also suffering depression at the moment.
I need you friends around.

tomorrow is a day i will be going sgh to see my doctor for the overall result.
Ater a series of tests, the final report is ready to release to me tmr.
Pray for positive result!

17th november

its 17th nov again..
time flies so fast..
4yrs already since 2007..

maybe to another people, its just another day to them.
but to me its not.
its a special and meaningful day to me.
Alway cant wait for it to come but somehow hope it pauses at that moment.

an agreement i need to fulfill

i know its a tough life but its good for me.
i need to thank you Quek for giving me this chance and spending time doing the explaination.
he is giving me a clear mind of what i want.
i signed the agreement, promised not to commit any of the terms listed.
saying i will be kicking away those bad habits.
Everything will be up to me whether i got that determination to do it.
Thank you for giving me this chance to turn into a new leaf.
i will not disppoint everyone.
Promise

work hard

Troubled with something...

cant get to sleep..
feel troubled, but this time around its not about love stuff.
much more serious stuff comparing to it.
how i wish there is a listening ear now.
really do not want to share it with my parents as they already got other issues to worry.
how i wish you friends are around to support, accompany me.
thats why when i mentioned in my previous blog text, i need you friends around.

just a silly mistake i committed.
till now then i realised the problem.
why am i so careless, need a wall to bang into it.

haiz...
my mood always coincide with the raining weather.
whenever i am down or moody, without fail, it will rain on the day.
Guess these few days can see the result very well.

i know i should not waste my time on blog writing
but i feel at least my, this friend is alway here to hear my grumbling, listen to it attentively.
I still need this friend to be around.
I want to change into a new leaf.
Proof to everyone i can discipline myself and protrait the real me.
And also i am firm to stop the bad habits i have now, not good for me and my future.
I feel that is not what i am now, i want to be back to myself where i am more comfortable with.
over the weeks, you guys may not use to it but hope you guys understand.

Really feel everyone is not there

to me friends are important.
Loanshark also let me realised it when that time i almost going to give up hope.

I really feel everyone is not there, together.
whenever comes to an important day, i am sure someone is going to be missing.
It is hard for everyone to be here together.
I thought this kind of day is good for catching up, updates.
Feel disappointed.
I rather everyday is just a normal day to me, do not want any holiday at all.
whats wrong couples cannot meet up together?
Busy is really the main reason?

maybe i need to give myself a tight slap, why bother to spend so much time on friends issues when my important stuffs didnt really go and do.
Xiuling and Jason will be disappointed when i didnt focus on my objective again.

Loanshark's message

I received many of my birthday regards but among the rest, one of them did bring me out laughter.
Her message was simple but in a way did cheer me up at the right time. I cant imagine my actual birthday was in the jungle fighting hard with those mozzies and missions. Haha i thought i was cutting cake at that time.


"Shushu! Happy 30th birthday! I bet u must be bored in camp!
Dont worry when u are out, must get u a big present and celebrate for u!
Dont worry although u are 30 u are still the most trendy shushu! :D "


Thanks Loanshark!
Wish u and your bf are doing well :)

Cheers,
ShuShu