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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

For you, Daddy!

Granny,

dont know what to say.. so stresss-ed..
feel im abit off track at sometimes.
esp yesterday..
recently was doing fine, and getting stronger.
But something happened and caused my whole mind kanna'virus attacked'.

shit...my whole body cannot control my mind.
Whats wrong with me?
Wondering how's the rest of my classmates doing, guess im far apart from them now.
Although i started out the race first, but half way, i think i being blocked by some 'obstacles'.
I am very scare i will lose out the race and worst case even out of it.

I keep telling myself, i know my character, joe is not easily beaten.
Must Jia you!!

My mum quite worried abt me, recently i can see i being asked to eat 24 tablets each day.
Its to maintain a balance of myself.

This jan exam papers going be very important for me and everyone is looking onto it.
It determines my path.
There's a certain high level of stress and i cannot allow to fail.

This is a degree level and expectations are high. It requires us more on thinking and understanding.
Which is different from the diploma level.
So i need to apply different method of coping well on the exams.

funny part which i just realised, my colleagues can even open up side betting on my papers.
1st class- 1 pay 1000.
2nd upper and lower honour rate- 1 pay 100.
Fail rate- 1 pay 0.5.

hee guess most of them buy which part...,
i fainted...

Yesterday shldnt ve let them see im weak, moody.
But i cant control esp after i come back from lunch.
Things happened, nothing can change. Everything 's too late.

Drive very fast to another school, MDIS in the night and realised the people over there,comparing to my school kaplan, its so different. It brings me back to my poly days.

I need to get more info on understanding the economics. Hopefully i dont fall asleep again in e library carpet floor which those books on the shelves smiling at me..

nowadays i can sleep anywhere at anytime. Oh no really uncle joe liao..

I met up auntie cindy, she told me about my daddy story.
Ways back to when they are 18 yrs old.
Did not know he did so much for us, this family.
i am trying to control my feeling.

Granny, if you are there, please help me and give me this extra strength,i want to do well this paper for him.

For you, Daddy!

Regards,
Junwen

Saturday, December 12, 2009

a shooting star

12-12-09 1253pm sunny day

a nice weather today with my feeling similar to the weather. If one day, you get to see outside your window is raining, then you will know someone outside there is feeling emo.. haha..

Well not really in that thinking now as years goes on. My age does allow me to get stronger, seeing through many things, experience it. Many people see me grown up, learnt things and i know how to take care myself and also everyone beside.

Recently a colleague sent me this link,
-talk to me or icecream-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-DWnGSn_jo

Do not understand what it means. Is he refering to me not to be sad over my daddy stuff?
What i know is the icecream i want to eat lol yummy ;p
Anyway thanks, its a nice song!

impt message/sentence below-- Do not always look at peoples'outside, go and understand more deeply. Everyone has their own moments that they feel weak. Like my granny said, you have grown up, no longer like a kid, must know how to see and understand clearly on people.

""
Cat- December 12 2009
i so totally agree with u.. for me i'll juz emo.. if u reli dun want pple read den u vent it out as a draft and read for urself.. i oso always emo 1 hahax.. best way to deal wif emoness is to do tings tt make u happy.. mayb u too stress ler...for me i oso dun wan pple to take me as weak.. so wad i do is i post it but inside the post i will say its my own tots, and feelings.. not tt i am weak.. even if i am weak, i believe everyone has their own moments tt they feel weak.. nothing to be ashame abt... tts why i juz let it be, heck care wad pple say =D ""


Another true story to share- a girl who is different from me... not in sex la...hmm what i mean is the life we are having. Her stress level is much higher than me, her emotional level is far away from me. Her father got cancer. She have to support her poor family, at night still need to rush for school. Sometimes at work still kanna scolded by boss. She did not have the time to have fun and even sit down for a coffee. She missed out all the fun during her teen age, 20-26. So stressful that she cry out in a corner. A Real bitter cry at a side but she still show her laughter, smiles to her Dad.
Her Dad passed away recently. She feel its a release, no regret. At least she has done her best, spending time and concern to let her Dad live comfortly during his days.

After hearing this story, any comment from you guys?
Hope you guys understand it, its meaningful..

Hope my wishes come true after i saw a shooting star yesterday. It travelled at a fast speed, at the right time for me to see it.

Smiles,
Joe

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Joy Joe








pictures for the sc marathon run -09 are out. Did not know where are those camera actual locations, but managed to get a good pose. Luckily did not see my 'struggling' face.
updates: managed to finish a work report today, it really took me two mths to complete.
but need to see whether the feedback's good.
First time to get off work early, on the dot. Good to have plenty of time in the night to do my school assignments. I chosen not to do it at home because of certain reason, well i did it at the swimming pool again. Wow i missed my pool so much. Quite a quiet place to let my mind focus well on my studies. Decided to visit it often, comparing to macdonald... abit noisy plus the 'yummy' smell.. haha..
smiles,
joe



thought in the night

09-12-2009 0241hrs

What is inside joe's mind now?

did not know there are so many things happened during this short period.
this kind of thing is not everyone will like to have it.
Joe got no choice but to face it.
Joe keeps his mind running at all time.
hopefully he is able to come out with a better solution or ways to solve it.
Facing strong and handle each problem individually.

He thought he can focus well on his studies yet recently another matter hit on him again.
Wrongly blamed hurt his pride much to a deep low end.
Before we know him, he is on a high, anticipation morale, ready to give a new challenge on his studies.
But all things changed around him at this time.

During his marathon run on that day, many things were running on his mind instead of his feet doing the job.
What he knows about his feet is getting heavier.
Without saying, the pain is also increasing.
He is not blaming on anything, he feel this is what god ve already planned for him, a Joe's route. Everyone got different kinds of route.
Well joe's route is tough, he feel that this marathon run shows how strong of him finishing up the race by himself which determine how well he cope with the obstacles in his route.

did not know his boss M.C approached him yesterday and granted him more leave days so as to accompany his Dad.
So sweet of his boss but Joe rejected the offer because he knows he cannot accept his offer like that.........
I can feel Joe have decided on certain things after some self reflection...............

Sunday, December 6, 2009

i did it for you, Daddy!


a nice weather today with the right feeling going into this race. its a marathon run thats different from all the runs that i had attended.
i thought i will give up half way due to my knee pain. Mum also told me not to run but i told myself to God, i must complete it. I did it for my Daddy, no matter how much pain i go through. Please help me to let Daddy recover soon. His illness is getting worse, im worried..

Thursday, December 3, 2009

running to company-school-hospital

Dad is in hospital again.

sad thing is i do not know anything until i received a phone call from the nurse during my night class.

still the same, he does not want me to worry about him and keep everything silent.
He knows i am busy, he does not want to disturb me. But he did not know i will be more tired if i have to find out more by myself.

Communication is impt, must keep flowing..

Well do not know why he has to do that.

Can you imagine what the nurse said to me, "oh you do not know your dad is here? "

me speechless.....

Daddy, do you know what will they think of me...

you know i willing to do anything for you, but sometimes you do not want me to help, and it seriously can create a hurt impact on me.

Everyday running to company.... to school... to hospital...

im not sure when is my body going to be down...

But my mind is still staying very strong which is different from last time..

well not sure this sunday marathon am i able to perform well?