A&E hospital

Usually by this time, i am either doing something or finished something but nope. Sitting down at a corner quietly thinking of many things, cannot get myself to sleep. Should i try the second time for those sleeping pills?

Yesterday 29-06-09, supposed to be a smooth day for me to accompany my Dad to get the medical report but ended up in another hospital. I was panic when i received his call saying he felt pain and his foot was swollen. Rushed back from work and saw his foot. What happened!? Gotta carry him to A&E.

It was a bad weather. Each raining alway give me a thought of something bad is happening. Yes it was, rain through out the whole night. Inside the A&E, it was very cold for me, i was like shivering alone waiting for Dad to come out.

9pm....10pm....11pm....
so hungry, why i did not want to go for my dinner?
Why Dad is inside for so long?
Why Dad's foot swollen?
Why must it happened to my Dad?
There are so many Why WHY wHy going on my mind....

I know it is not within my control but i cannot bear to hear or see it.
Injection process was so long.
Thought the songs in my phone will prevent me from thinking too much.
But again why all songs to me sound emo?

Suddenly i got memory loss, do not know who to speak to.
Thanks to a few friends called for concern and asked me not to worry.

Finally Dad is out but need to transfer to another hospital, SGH in the next morning, 30-06-09.
Please do not happen anything to Dad.

Hope everything is positive.

Please....

A SPECIAL BLOG

This is my first time I blogging at someone's house, our jason and xiuling new house.




Actually alot of friends discouraging me from writing this post. But I persisted and pluck my courage to post this to express my deepest feelings.



Why am i saying it out again, maybe they are concerning about me. Supposed to be a good teachers' party, but i wore the wrong mask today. An emo mask showing everyone.



Feeling terrible but i want to call it an end. I do not want to keep it in my heart anymore. I am troubled with so many things recently, my father, my works, my studies and my love dilemma. Today i feel like talking about my love dilemma as all these while i did not have the courage to say it out. I feel i do not want to leave things unsettle and leave beside a scar. I should not hide my feeling as this is my blog, i got the freedom to say anything i want. If i am still scare or afraid of people saying, then i should in the first place go back to my old diary writing.



I know there is something wrong from 17-04-09 friday, our last meeting. Can see you are purposely cold towards me, from your every reply. Just because i did something good for you again and repeated the history again? 6 times rejected and promised what we have previously said on christmas eve as not to mention this issue again.



Yes the gifts are more than a friend's doing. I know in the first place i should not give them to you. But i know the stress you are facing in your final exam and at the same time someone passed away. I know that kind of feeling. So i told myself i have to give them to you no matter what happened. I know doing these stuffs is like a kid, and it is very foolish. But it is just my little token of concern and effort to cheer you up. My main motive is to want you to give it all out in your last papers. Actually i am looking to the day when i can attend your convocation.



Frankly telling you, yes the stuffs i did, i got put feeling on it when doing. I admit myself i still love you sincerely. Alway staying aside quietly helping you as a friend. It is only friend role then i can have the privilege to help you. You still remembered our last wine session when you asked me this question, why all these while, unlike others, why am i still treating you so good? I purposely jumped the topic as i am afraid that i will scare you away if you know the real answer. Well you got the answer now. Am i so foolish and naive that i alway handle my love relationship so seriously and faithfully, treating a girl so good. I alway think time will tell everything unlike others that sometimes treat love like probation period. Ever since i get to know you, i finally realised the true meaning of love. I feel i can do anything for you, i want to take care of you, share your sorrow and share my happiness with you. I thought after a certain period of time you will understand how I feel towards you. I am not sure when you will accept me but I do not mind waiting by your side helping you, concerning about you. I really never push you and ask for any forms of return. I just want to see you happy in your life, then i will feel better.



Well i think in the end, it is my fault. I putting in too much feeling on it and put you in a difficult position although I know you want to accept me just as a close friend.



I am writing this is not to get your attention or concern but just want to say it out for myself. But why everytime i did anything good for you, you will straight away disappear. Do you know i doing all those stuffs is not for anything but just want to encourage you, JIA YOU! Guess i am scaring you away and put you in a hard position to face me. I know you are not ready as you just gain your freedom. It is something u alway say being single is great. Well i really do not agree as if you really meet someone special, then you should seize the opportunity to be with that special one. Well I feel I do not have the right to stop you and say you anything but I think I respect your desicion. I have to move on and wish you all the best.



I am really feeling lost nowadays, feeling listless during work. After work, I have nothing to look forward to. I just feel that I have lost my aim in life. So I tell myself I must pick myself up, regained my drive and zest in life and move on. I am just too tired and exhausted right now and I want to start afresh with the next stage of my life. I am no longer young and I still have alot of exciting things waiting for me to experience... so if fate permits, our paths may cross again....



Hope you really can find a guy who truly love you. I do not want wish to see you hurt again. It will make me feel pain.

So take care and friends always.

Love,
Joe Sim
28-06-09
02:50 AM

Reading night

-- Coming to 4am, finally finished my reading.

This is a fabulous book which I was impressed with its clarity, its many examples. It is a new psychology of health and joy.

A class of its own in depth of understanding and is exceedingly helpful in clinical practice.

One thumb up!

-- Well a busy teacher' week for me. Met up a few teachers and realised there are many things i need to get prepare first before going into NIE.

Mature tactically a lot over this season, and ready to challenge on all fronts!

-- Cannot wait for this coming sat 27-06-09.

It is a major event- Teachers' function party!

I brought 2 bottles of good wines to share among all teachers.

Abit scare cannot 'click' with them, as most of them are highly ranking-PHD, seniors.

Oops better prepare myself with some interesting topics to share with them first.

-- Sunday 28-06-09,

I promised myself gotta go down to look for this place to pray for Daddy, good health alwayz.

Will spend many hours over there as heard from others that wishes do come true.

-- Okay time for bed, if not later going to be late for work.

Night Joe~

Blogging Time

73days...

20th june 2009
a day of working again..

Haze from forest fires in indonesia started. Likely return of El Nino- which brings dry weather to our region and a H1N1 community outbreak threatening.

World is sick? Am i too?

Many things occured too sudden.
Some good, some bad.

ST-satcom dept going to move over to paya lebar at 18th july 2009.
New expanded area.
I am being appointed as company logistics- planner ic.
Work loads filing up.

Yesterday saw my gigantic satellite brought over from Russia.
That time i had a hard time of getting this project completed.
So great to see it working perfectly here.

Works, not smooth.
Problems do come out often in the engineering area.
Especially you are facing a lot on components level.
They may not work perfectly well on your design.
Terms like obsolete, lead-free, manufacture-design, tolerance, MOQ, cost, time appeared as a problem.

No more monday blue.
It was a good start of this week.
Wearing a baby blue shirt sleeves.
Giving colleagues a purely sweet look.
And surprisingly i won myself tickets to the zoo and the flyer.
Thanks to someone hee.

Missed zoo deeply.
I want to enjoy myself extemely high over there.
Going to take many pictures with the nature scences and the animals.

A good shopper lover did not get anything in the Polo Ralph Lauren Staffs event.
Oh thats amazing weird!
Surprisely i did not spend a single cent.
keep thinking of my Dad on that night.

Father Day is coming.
Do not know what to get for him.
Cannot bring him out for good food.
Maybe taking a breather with him on my bike.

Sweet memories when i am small that time.
He showed me around sg with his vespa scooter.
That is how my passion comes on bike.
And i got myself another good nickname, Street Directory Boon from friends.

Well feeling much better,
have to get back to my report again.

An early Happy Father Day to You!

Love,
Boon

-- VINCENT --

Thanks kk, such a nice guy for getting me this Don Mclean CD. Inside got a song that i really wish to hear, Vincent.
A touching song to please anyone especially during night time. This song is created in memory of Vincent Van Gogh, a Dutch artist, who produced many of the world's best known paintings, then later, he made the world realised that the depth of his love was what his life was all about...

Starry, starry night. Paint your palette blue and grey. Look out on a summer's day. With eyes that know the darkness in my soul. Shadows on the hills. Sketch the trees and the danodils. Catch the breeze and the winter chills. In colors on the snowy linen land. Now i understand. What you tried to say to me. How you suffered for your sanity. How you tried to set them free. They would not listen, they did not know how. Perhaps they'll listen now. Starry, starry night. Flaming flowers that brightly blaze. Swirling clouds in violet haze. Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue. Colors changing hue. Morning fields of amber grain. Weathered faces lined in pain. Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand. Now i understand. What you tried to say to me. How you suffered for your sanity. How you tried to set them free. They would not listen, they did not know how. Perhaps they'll listen now. For they could not love you. But still your love was true. And when no hope was left in sight on that. Starry, starry night. You took your life as loves often do. But i could have told you, Vincent. This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you. Starry, starry night. Portraits hung in empty halls. Frameless heads on nameless walls. With eyes that watch the world and cant forget. Like the strangers that you've met. The ragged men in ragged clothes. The sliver thorn of bloody rose. Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow. Now i think i know. What you tried to say to me. How you suffered for your sanity. How you tried to set them free. They would not listen, they're not listening still. Perhaps they never will.

This song reminded me of this show 溏心风暴. It is the best drama i ever seen. Many things i learned from there. Growing more mature with these meaningful espiodes, ie 14- taught about friendships and relationships, 27- family distance as "da kan" mum passed away of this illness, 30- money issues and plots setup by wicked, greedy peoples. 31- why blog without attract attention (AA). From these esp., knowing the important of friendships. I forgive everything and sorry if i am. Whatever illness he got, everyone in the family must be close together. Most guys feel blogging is a waste of time, "wu liao" as no people will see. But i disagreed . Whenever a person is not happy, it is not go for drinking or looking for people to chat, you tend to feel like writing. The feeling will get better. Anyway there are many complicated peoples in this world, must know yourself who is really your real friends and normal friends. Treasure them before you lose them.

Take care.

Love,
Boon

Bake TimE

Didnt huat properly.



1 batch chewy, 1 batch crunchy.
Experimented with frosting and molds.


Many eggs going..

Give my dead blog some colours in life..
Love baking.
I remember my first baking artpiece is Oreo Cheese Cake.
Haha did not know the ingredients that i spent so much was on that one small packet of milk.