updates after e op...

Day Six...

after e op..

work..

im quite satisfied with my work done. Giving out more than 100% to clear up whatever outstanding stuffs.
i even went in to Boss's room to have a chat, asking him if there is any room for my improvement. He was stunned in the first place but its a good experience to hear his view on me.
i feel after i have promoted, more responsibility have to be there.
Need to be more independent, helping up on those juniors.
The standard requirement of a senior need to be there.

studies..

i having an exam on coming sunday. Currently still busy preparing.
But i can say i am about to get sick soon, today my flu is getting worse.
Maybe not enough sleep ba, its like every day studying up to 2am, sometimes even till 3am.
Guess even a robot also will go down.

parents..

they are doing fine.
Mum wanted to change my room structure, everything.
She wanted to give me a much more cosy place to study comparing to now.
I stunned when the designer came down that day, i thought mum was just kidding.
Heard everything going to cost ard 5k, and i surely do not want her to fork out that money.
Its her hard earn money.
Hee guess i going to eat lesser this period to save more.

friends..

everyone is doing fine.
feel happy for you guys.
keep it up!

I did not know i will be out that day,
thanks jason and xiuling, its a pleasant outing.
I enjoyed the KTV and also the dinner.
I heard from birdie telling me something.. haha its a matchmaking day right?
Okay she sang well, esp on those korean songs, i am quite impressed.
yeah a happy go lucky girl.
And he told me, she is going to complete her PHD soon.
i never hear wrongly, PHD right?
how did she do that at such a young age?
Does Birdie say anything for himself?

Day of the message:: If you dont have a plan for where you want to go, how do you know if you are lost?

End of writing.

cheers
joe

Just a change on me

Everything went fine, currently have to wait for the report to be out in 18th of August.
I feel somehow there is a change on me after this op, like i just woke up on something.

Chatted up again with my friend, Darren, we discussed on the next 5 years what things will happen. There is many important stuffs waiting for us to do.
Building up a family, getting a flat need alot of thinking.
Need to have a proper planning.
We always have this thinking, spending is easy, saving is hard.
We must save even more for raining days.

My age now is the crucial time to pay more attention rather than at age 35 then start to think.

Result was out last week.
I did not do well for the last paper, feel disappointed getting a C grade.
I want to spend more time on my studying to pull up for better grades on the next few modules.
Thinking i may not be free at all times now for everyone.
Hope you guys can understand.

Day of the Message:: Drink more water, rest more.

End of Writing.

Regards,
Joe

a night of thinking...

Stress can create cancer..
really not sure if there is anything growing in it.
I do hope it is a false alarm.

each day when i get to know the result is going to come out soon, my whole mind keeps thinking alot.
i am trying to take thing easily, but do not know why my whole body do not permitted.

again 5am, i still cant get to sleep, my sleeping cycle is off again.
i keep thinking alot of things..work..studies..friends...and ntu..

yesterday met up with darren, i did not know why i got such a serious talk with him about my life.
He also believe its not me myself esp this period.
I told him i am giving a thought of leaving everyone..
maybe to him, he is thinking i am kidding with him.
i just do not want to involve in anything, helping in anything, do not want to be in anywhere!!
Look at the time, i am not sure did i wasted or not..
i do not know how to describe my feeling nw.
and exam is coming soon, two more weeks..

Recently i need to search one of her sms and went through every single of her sms that i have kept for these yrs.
reading on every sms, telling me about what we have went through, what i have did and giving out my best to help her.
almost coming to 3 yrs of waiting... 17-11-07...
hw i wish we can get to know each other in the beginning again.
a fresh new start like last time, where almost everyday we get to chat on phone, share all the things she is doing.

I know its impossible now for this start. To her, i should really thank her, all the while she is doing her homework well for not being MIA, something which i told her. But to me, i disappointed her again and again for not doing my homework well.

Recently we met and did not know why we discussed this topic again.
I told her i still like her, cannot be stopped.
But i will do my homework well this time regardless what she did. Cos i always think too much, thinking isit she is doing it for me.
Well i have stated in the previous blog message, i treasure her such a good friend here, do not want to lose her anymore.
Whenever my feeling is too close to her, i will just do my homework well myself.
I just do not want to lose such a friend again.

Anyway i keep thinking,what can i give it to her.
Look at me now, its like everything not proper done yet.
I still need a few yrs to get my career on track with my studies completed.
By the time her age, she should have married.
Normally girls married around the right time at age 24-27.
Time does tell something.
I feel she can find much better, stable guy comparing to me.

Recently also heard from her, got guys going after her.
And whenever we go out, i also got noticed she is busy on sms-ing.
I think she has found a guy she likes.
If not she wont ask me this qns: will u still ask me out, if i got a bf.
Well i told myself i should feel happy for her and i should try not to disturb her 'honey period' too much.

Being a guy, i should concentrate on my career.
Let love relationship stuff put it the least priority ba,
and let my career and studies be the first priority from now onwards..
Must to--
I believe my focus abit off the track recently.

Well haiz guess this year my birthday going to be a lonely special year of 30 again.
Single...single...and... still single.... for 30yrs... :(

Joe
13-07-10
6.54am

16th July gng in.....

well 16th july 2010 i will be going in sgh for my gastroscopy operation. At the same time i get to know my new blood test result before the op. To everyone is like a normal and fun friday, but no people will know at another corner still got people around suffering the pain. It will start at 4pm, a timing which i borned out. Will be in coma again. I hate this feeling, cos whenever i wake up, i really do not know where am i, am i in the real place? I am not sure whether do i need to stay in, see how it goes.
Although its a minor op but i think i am much worried is the result. As stated previously in my blog, doc already asked me to get prepare, stand by. Hopefully its not what the doc's prediction.

During this period, i've been doing many researchs on dyspepsia illness. I do not know why i keep seeing the word, cancer. Is it really true it is linked together? Can it dont be!
I have to face the fact if the result turns out like this. I have grown up already, gotta be brave to face everything. Maybe it is fate ba. Currently i trying to stay firm and calm, putting cheerful smiles around to everyone. Do not want anyone to know and worried about me, especially my parent. They will be super upset and cannot take it if they know.
I havnt told anyone including my family. They are getting old, do not want them to get worried.

Guess it is the same as 4 years back, an operation which i went through alone. It is like very scary when sitting alone at the seat waiting for my turn to go in. These few days it is like no mood to work and to study, but i still trying to give my best to do it.
Stress and feel alone.

a-l-o-n-e
isnt nice feeling..

Best regards,
Joe Sim