A meeting with the Doctor

28-08-09 noon

a meeting with the doctor at Urology Centre.
Many qns to ask for my Dad.
Gotta control my feeling...

Pissed oFF

Super Pissed off with a friend on msn chat a moment ago when my mood was high and happy that cant wait to see the UnXpected band.
Wondering why he had to say this to me in this way. What are you trying to show me. Since you bother to say it out, then do not blame it or say its other who ask. Coward sia. The person can come and ask me ma, why will he ask you on his behalf. Furthermore he got my msn ma. As a friend, you should concern and find out why and what thing actually happened to me.
Well I hate your words..

You think i am not sad at all when i got the news long ago.. You think i am not panic meh.. You think i never think at all meh... You think its really my lifestyle meh... And all you think is to see the outer fact and listen to people said only. You never go in deeper to understand why i am suffering like that.

Thats why things did not go out well and people got angry or misunderstanding due to listening to people say. You did not know are they saying the right thing. You never go and understand, communicate with the main person well.

I can tell you the impact even till now still hurting me. Please do not talk about this promotion thing anymore. I really hate that person for that trip. If not that happened, i will have different from now. All the people that close to me will know whats happening between me and him, mr Phantom Mask. I feel all the while i never did anything bad behind him. Thanks for his bold nail onto it, it will let me get even stronger.

My friend's msn conversation previously--

Laughing Boy says:
not today lah
is yest
im wondering ppl got promoted but not u?
what has happen?
u dont seems to panick?
well maybe thats ur own lifestyle
i shld not interfere

---,-'-<@ joe.joseph-- says:
no comment

Laughing Boy says:
im asking on *tom behalf

End-

Shirlyn and UnXpected is back

Shirlyn and the UnXpected is back. I cannot believe my eyes when Timbre sent me an invitation today during work and saw her name appeared on the first programme schedule. My goodness i thought i will never see her again since she went to LA.
Cannot wait to attend it to hear her singing.

My last time hearing from her is at Wala Wala many mths ago.
Well NUS Cultural Centre here i come.
3 cheers for the UnXpected band!!!

Marathon Blogging

I do not know why i start to write this strange longest blog.
It all happened when Darren got into a car accident.

Part A- Updates

Last thursday i tried out a new salon recommended by Donn. I am the driver, fetching Nick and Donn to Toa Payoh. Really pissed off when i was actually doing my parking and both of my parking slots were taken up by two no manner-drivers. How can they immediately cut in like that, bully P-plate sia!

The small salon opened up by a twin sisters, given us a warmly welcome and i got what i like for my hair cut. Hmmm guess i going to change my orchard salon over there in any time.

After that i received a call from Darren. He got himself into a car accident. So worried about him. Luckily he was fine, it was a small one with three cars banged into one another.

But i was not rest assured, the accident keep running in my mind thinking of something.
I have finally finished that drama- Heart of Greeds and all the while i had stopped at episode 36 as i dare not to continue, if not i will see the saddest part, that accident.

When a person is gone, alot of things you want to say to him has vanish in the thin air.

I feel i have many things to say since i am here now..

Part B- Granny (Mohd Ali Lane--MAL)

I brought a sleeping bag for Granny. Did not know she refused to accept it as she got her own reason. The Pride!
I happened to know about her story-her son. Whereby i cannot say it out as it is her personal stuff. Very sad about it that happened to her and also she rejected my kindness of letting her to sleep well.
I know what she is trying to tell me. Certain thing you want, you must work hard for it, not by short cut way.

I accompanied with her for many hours talking about my family, my career and my love problems, everything how i feel now before i headed straight to my 21km AHM marathon run( Link to part E)

Granny wants me to believe and believe myself.
She say what if one day she is not around, she will not be there for me anymore.
Tears were running down from my redness eyes..
can you guys do not take such a good granny away from me, Please please...
I dare not to face this day.

I realised a song of what she said where she want me to believe. Heard it before from the movie of "Prince of Egypt".

Some important words highlighed me from the song.

" I must not afraid although i know there is much to fear but as i keep moving, there can be miracles When i believe.Though hope is frail, it is hard to kill "

-WHEN YOU BELIEVE-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxIN79n4jVo

Many nights we prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hope for a song
We barely understood

Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains
Long before we knew we could, whoa, yes

There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill

Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe somehow you will
You will when you believe

[Mmm...mmm...mmm...yeah]
Mmm...yeah...

In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer bird
Too swiftly flown away

Yet now I'm standing here
My heart's so full, I can't explain
Seeking faith and speakin' words
I never thought I'd say

There can be miracles
When you believe (When you believe)
Though hope is frail It's hard to kill (Mmm)

Who knows what miracles
You can achieve (You can achieve)
When you believe somehow you will
You will when you believe

[Hey...]
[Ooh...]

They don't know it's often when you ask, uh
And it's easy to give in to your fear, uh [Oh]
But when you're blind you find your pain
Can see or wake me through the rain
???Boy, am I still resilient voice???
Says love is the relief, oh... [Oh...]

There can be miracles (Miracles)
When you believe (Boy, when you believe, yeah)
[Though hope is frail] Though hope is frail [It's hard]
It's hard to kill (Hard to kill, oh, yeah)

Who knows what miracles
You can achieve (You can achieve, oh...)
When you believe somehow you will (Somehow, somehow, somehow)
Somehow you will (I know, I know, know)
You will when you believe [When you]
(Oh...oh...)
[You will when you]
(You will when you believe)
[Ooh...ooh...ooh...]
[Oh...oh...]
[When you believe]
[When you believe]

Part C- Now and Future

I believe i have not actually put in my best effort to strive for the best that i can be.
Everything i have done so far had been steps neatly carved out by the Singaporean education system and i have never had the chance to sit down and think through carefully what i really wanted and give my 100% to work towards it.

I still remember what Loanshark told me, remember to care more about yourself and not always worry for others!

This day, i am finally freed from the apron-strings of the system. But my life ahead still seems blurry and fluid. I have had 28 long years to think through what i want to do with my life. And at this point, i cannot deny i know exactly what i want. But... this is the beginning of an incredulous journey and i am glad to have my family and friends with me while i embark on my search for my own meaning in life.

My birthday going to come soon, it will be my last twenty. I do hope it will be a memorable birthday celebration for me, i want to enjoy till max and welcome myself into a new 3 digit on the coming year.

Part D- Mummy and Daddy

While i was walking out of a restuarant after a dinner. I looked at the back view of the 2 dearest people who brought me up and i cannot help but feel that they have really aged.. My Daddy has always been the Mr Nice Guy who is a go-getter who has taught me so much about putting my best efforts into everything. My Mummy, on the other hand, is an easy-going and never fails to help me when i am in need.

So, a big THANKS to Daddy and Mummy for everything, putting me through school without a worry and providing for me. Everything that i own today is because of the many sacrifices you made :)

I Love You, MUMMY and DADDY!!!

Part E- AHM Marathon 16-08-2009

4:30am already and i gotta end my chat with Granny, went straight to the esplanade bridge for my 21km Marathon run. My colleagues knew i did not sleep at all and were quite worried about me. Hee i give them a cheerful smile to ease their minds. Sorry to let Loanshark worried, it will not happen again, will take good care of my health.

Oh my goodness, guess who i met on the run.
Dawn, Zi Wei from my school, UniSIM!!!
I was walking toward my bag deposit counter with one super sleeping face and she still can recognize me in the dark. Seriously we have not see each other before in real person.

I was separated from my colleagues after running down from the benjamin sheares bridge.
They were very far from behind. To my surprise, i saw her again at east coast park,
the drinking booth. She was alone, same situation as me. So i accompanied her for this super Long Walk.

I like the part when we pass by every 1 km's panel, we will give both of us a boost up morale, a BIG Five! Haha guess my hand turned red when we reached the 15km.

We completed it by the timing of 3hrs 53mins 08secs.
Congratulations to our COMPLETION!!
Maybe we meet again on the SC run 42km!
Hopefully not at the same two spots area again haha..

Part F- Decision

Since Jer stated on her blog of stopping on a certain thing and it has come to a year already. I was thinking why i cannot do it, but of course my thing is different from her.
Well Jer, Congrats! keep it up okay!

Today i am seriously like to proof to you guys, my own decision about my life's path now.
Start now >> 18-08-2009 ...

Love,
Joe Sim
18-08-2009
05:12am

NUS HaLL

Hee guess where i am now?
NUS hall!!!

ho ho ho... now i know how's life here!

Tell you guys something, the toilet arrangement here are so different. I went into a female toilet and a girl inside is staring at me. I walk out fast without saying anything. The next moment i thought the next door should be for guy, ended up i am inside a girl room. Oops panic joe ran off this time. Wondered where got girl leave their door open during night time.

Yeah finally i found Loanshark!

Got a cup of brewing milo from her to keep my body warm
and a Redoxon tablet to top up my energy level after a 2.4km run.

Wonder will there be any hall for NIE? i wanna live there too ;p

Okie gtg, my milo is getting cold in any time..

Cheerios
Joe

What lies beneath your mask?

Long wkend going to end soon.
Good thing always end fast. Cherish most!

a little update on friday, met up with jar- Boss for dinner in vivo.
i havent met her for almost a year already since my trip to russia.
it was a warm up session in the starting, but later part we start to talk
about our personal stuffs which all the years we seldom talk about it.

First time i get to know myself from her view that i am a happy-go-lucky
and carefree person. Wow i missed my past, am i changing? It is true
i really seem so happy whenever anyone see me. Well where is my smile gone to?

Close to the end of our conversation, we both discovered we have our own
blogs! And i did not know she has been writing since her day at her
musicstudio-amk.

Today i happened to see her blog and realised she wrote a post for me.
-What lies beneath your mask?-

Saying about a happy lad of me putting on a mask, no one knows what
lies deep beneath unless i let them know.
Her impression of me was wrong after she read up my emo blog.

Thanks for your comment, i will try my best to hang in there.
"At times we feel lost, jaded, crushed. but we gotta be strong to keep things going.
yes, the world is not fair, there is nothing we can do about it.
work with what is within our means. We may not see any light in the tunnel now,
but we just gotta hang in there till we see a glimmer."

Well maybe i will try to write a happy post in this week later.

a shoulder to cry

I was plunged into mourning on Friday after the death of Bobby Robson
Struggled against cancer
It is difficult to accept such a person is no longer with us
but he is immortal
because he leaves in everybody who knows him a mark of his personality

a minute's silence

every part of myself being pull down
I am scare
May not see my Daddy
What will happen next
Keep flashing in my mind

Again he did not tell me he got Diabetics and eye blindness
I fainted
Why
Please do not keep everything to yourself
It will make me more worrying
If things get worse
I am lost again
What should be the right way
What should i do
Who should i look for
Everything i see
Black and white

Joe is badly beaten this time
Joe need a shoulder to cry
Joe can you be brave
Joe can you be courage
Joe need an angel to come down and calm him