is it a depression?

sorry Quek, i didnt keep my promise.
I did something wrong in one of the day.
It was not a good day for me, feel hurt in my heart.
And i went to touch the cigarette and its a chain of smoke.
How silly i am.
I know i should not, but somehow i do not know why.
Why am i alway so weak and easy get hurt?

Whatever the answer is, i need to respect her decision.
I didnt talk much or pester on her on that day.
I didnt even tell her i didnt accept the girl that confess her love to me long ago.
Do not know what happened, my heart is still vibrating.
I am very scare of depression, not sure does anyone knows.
Anyway i still accept her as my friend, this is the path i chosen myself.
I do not want to leave her and gone like most guys did.
Well at the same time i am finding solution to cure myself and i think i got a way now.

No matter what, after that day i still need to follow on my agreement and also do not touch the cigarette again.
and for this one whole year not to fall in love with anyone.

these few days my head is getting pain, not sure is it the hangover i got or think too much on friends issues. Some misunderstanding and i feel i lost some impt friends.
Pls forgive me, i am also suffering depression at the moment.
I need you friends around.

tomorrow is a day i will be going sgh to see my doctor for the overall result.
Ater a series of tests, the final report is ready to release to me tmr.
Pray for positive result!

17th november

its 17th nov again..
time flies so fast..
4yrs already since 2007..

maybe to another people, its just another day to them.
but to me its not.
its a special and meaningful day to me.
Alway cant wait for it to come but somehow hope it pauses at that moment.

an agreement i need to fulfill

i know its a tough life but its good for me.
i need to thank you Quek for giving me this chance and spending time doing the explaination.
he is giving me a clear mind of what i want.
i signed the agreement, promised not to commit any of the terms listed.
saying i will be kicking away those bad habits.
Everything will be up to me whether i got that determination to do it.
Thank you for giving me this chance to turn into a new leaf.
i will not disppoint everyone.
Promise

work hard

Troubled with something...

cant get to sleep..
feel troubled, but this time around its not about love stuff.
much more serious stuff comparing to it.
how i wish there is a listening ear now.
really do not want to share it with my parents as they already got other issues to worry.
how i wish you friends are around to support, accompany me.
thats why when i mentioned in my previous blog text, i need you friends around.

just a silly mistake i committed.
till now then i realised the problem.
why am i so careless, need a wall to bang into it.

haiz...
my mood always coincide with the raining weather.
whenever i am down or moody, without fail, it will rain on the day.
Guess these few days can see the result very well.

i know i should not waste my time on blog writing
but i feel at least my, this friend is alway here to hear my grumbling, listen to it attentively.
I still need this friend to be around.
I want to change into a new leaf.
Proof to everyone i can discipline myself and protrait the real me.
And also i am firm to stop the bad habits i have now, not good for me and my future.
I feel that is not what i am now, i want to be back to myself where i am more comfortable with.
over the weeks, you guys may not use to it but hope you guys understand.